Interesting and Humour - page 2167

[Sergey Golubev]

14 SERVICES FOR CREATING INFOGRAPHICS

1. Hohli Builder(http://charts.hohli.com/ ) is an online service for creating beautiful charts and graphs.

2. Careatelu(http://creately.com/) - here you can insert your data into a ready-made template and get a beautiful, professional infographics. Supports 7 languages including Russian.

3. Infogr.am(http://infogr.am/ ) - simple and convenient tool for creating interactive infographics.

4. Piktochart(http://piktochart.com/ ) - several free customizable themes for creating your own infographics and more than 200,000 users worldwide.

5. Visual.ly(http://visual.ly/) - there are a number of free themes for creating infographics here too, but it's more of a library of neatly sorted works from around the world.

6. Google Charts(https://developers.google.com/chart/ ) - the service will create beautiful and easily customizable charts and graphs from the data you "feed" to it.

7. Vizualize.me(http://vizualize.me/ ) - a service that turns your LinkedIn resume into an infographic. The Russian equivalent is Resumup.ru.

8. Google Public Data Explorer(http://www.google.com/publicdata/directory ) - search for open statistical data from all over the world. Search, retrieve, transform into infographics.

9. Wordle(http://www.wordle.net/) - old but still working service for creating effective word visualizations. Type in your own text, and you get a "cloud" with highlighting of the most mentioned words.

10. Inkscape(http://inkscape.org/en/ ) - a graphics editor reminiscent of Illustrator and CorellDraw with great features.

11. Vizify(https://www.vizify.com/) - a new tool to create infographics based on Twitter data and show detailed data from your Twitter feed, including: your most active followers, most popular posts, etc.

12. Tagxedo(http://www.tagxedo.com/) turns words (famous speeches, news articles, slogans and topics, even your love confessions) into word clouds that have a visual impact on the user.

13. Cacoo(https://cacoo.com/)-an online drawing tool that makes it possible to create different kinds of infographics, including site maps, page layouts, UML (Unified Modeling Language) and network graphics. The service allows for real-time collaboration, which means multiple users can share and add one diagram to a blog at a time.

14. Photo Stats(http://www.photostatsapp.com/) - an iPhone app that analyzes all the photos on your iPhone and generates infographics showing how, when, and where you take your photos.

[Sergey Gridnev]

[Sergey Petruk]

[Sergey Golubev]

A short investor phrasebook

• I am an investor - I think I am an investor and there is no way you can verify this
  
• Smart money - the main thing is to sign an agreement and then we'll see, it doesn't say anything about anything but money anyway.
• We have a $135 million fund - we have a $35 million fund
  
• We got a $35 million fund, we got a $5 million fund.
• We got a $5 million fund, we got a $1 million fund.
  
• We have a $1 million seed fund - our acquaintances will give us money if we bring in good projects
• We have consulting experience - we will (bleep) you with advice for which we are not responsible and still ask for money or a share
  
• We haveinvestment banking experience - we want to sell your company in a year, and it doesn't matter if it doesn't work in a startup
• We have real sector experience: We stay away for a couple of years and then we come and ask "where the fuck is the profit". And it better be there.
  
• We have market conditions - my friend from Tambov invests that way too.
• Silicon Valley - I went there once, it is clean and nice, and there is money there.
  
• Silicon Valley - I want to show that I know how to tell the difference between silicon and silicon.
• We're interested in strong teams - it says so in the book, I haven't figured it out yet.
• It's a strong team - they can tell me to fuck off and they can probably do the project without me at all
• Convertible Notes - they say this is how they invest in Silicon Valley, and everyone who works this way is successful. I don't know what it is, but my lawyer says it's cool.
  
• We're interested in your project, let's have a chat - we're interested, but we won't give any money yet.
• Send us a presentation - we're interested, but we're not giving any money yet.
• Sendmarket details - we are interested, but no funding for now.
• Sendus your offer - we are interested, but we won't give any money yet.
• Here are our lawyer's contacts - we're interested, but we won't give any money yet.
• Seems OK, we'll have to think about it - we'd like to, but won't give you any money yet.
• Your application is pending - our analyst will look at it in a week.
• Let's get back to you in a month - Let's get back to you in 3 months
• Let's get back to you in a week - Let's get back to you in a month.
  
• I like you, but my partner doesn't want to give money - I don't want to give money, but let's be friends in case things get tough
• We want a co-investor - Text us when you're doing better.
• You're overvalued. You're out of your fucking mind to want $2 million for your business plan.
  
• we have doubts in our team. we can't give money to this moron.
• you have an untested business model. we don't understand it. come back when there's a profit.
  
• I don't have the time - I don't have the time.
• Expert opinion - My friend thinks so too.
  
• Leading analytical companies - I don't remember where I found this data
• Experience shows - Once
  
• Consistently - Twice
• We are absolutely certain - Three times
  
• We have interviewed people in the industry - Three calls to friends who worked there 5 years ago
• We have experience in manufacturing - The founder's brother's wife works in hoover assembly
  
• Our goal is to invest in the best companies - Our goal is not to fuck up the money
• Our goal is to grow the industry - it's the only industry I understand
  
• Our mission... - I want to show that I don't just want money, but money first.
• Our fund is about to launch - come back in a year.
• Very successful deal - sold for twice as much after 4 years
  
• Successful deal - sold it for what you bought it for.
• All good - loss less than 20%.
  
• Our portfolio is growing - until proven otherwise
• Here is the presentation template, fill it out - if we worked for the Ministry of Education, we would have invented the USE
  
• We're willing to co-invest - 5% of the round if there's a geek like us
• We'll go IPO - a friend said it's cool.
  
• I've managed budgets in the millions of dollars - I sat in a corporation and blew $500K
• I built it from the ground up - I was on the team that built it
  
• Our company was the market leader - the Cherkizovo market in belt buckles
• We have the best industry mentors - cooler professionals have not responded to our emails
  
• Over 10 years experience - 7 years, including 3 as an analyst and 2 as a trainee
• Successful exit experience - sold an auto parts shop for the price of leftover stock
  
• International experience - worked in London for 6 months
• Won a venture capital award - a friend organised an award and gave it to someone he knew for the first time, especially as there are only 10 of us in the market
  
• These are our references - these are the people we haven't done anything wrong to.
• We have connections - 100 names in the address book.
  
• Extensive contacts - 250 names in the address book, 90% of people have not spoken to in over 2 years.
• Western analogues are successful - people write about them on techcrunch but are too lazy to check
  
• Investor IRR should be over 40% - we don't know what it is, a consultant said it's cool.
• We'll take money from the state - the main thing is not to sign anything.
  
• We'll take grants - I don't remember if it's 1 million dollars or rubles.
• We are launching an incubator: we are launching an incubator.
  
• Corporate venture capital fund - we suddenly realized that we turned into the mutants that we laughed about 10 years ago, we should buy up the young
• We do not steal ideas - we are fed up with your ideas.
  
• We have a network of angels - we have a network of event organizers
• We have a flow of deals from the market - we registered on a couple of sites with projects
  
• Investment strategy - a description of a spherical Zuckerberg in a vacuum
• We want certainty - we want control.
  
• We want control - we think we can tell you what to do, although the last 8 times that didn't work out
• We want reassurance - it's cool at the bank, but there's no momentum like yours.
  
• We want growth - we want to be shown that things are growing
• We want to enter at a reasonable valuation - 2 times the conservative earnings estimate
  
• We want successful quick exits - we somehow didn't think that companies usually grow to a billion for 10 years according to statistics

[Sergey Golubev]

[Sergey Novokhatskiy]

- Do you want your tea with or without sugar? I slept with your boyfriend, by the way.
- What?
- I said, with or without sugar? Are you deaf or what?

Daddy, I'm not getting married, I'm going to live with you.

- Don't you dare threaten your father!

REGISTRY OFFICE:
- Do you take this woman to be your wife?
- No.
- How about this one?

- How do you get the blonde's eyes to light up?
- Shine a torch in her ear

Her:
- Oh, my God!
Him:
- Yeah, we get confused a lot...

Grandma bakes a kolobok and says to him:
- Don't go to McDonald's or they'll shove a sausage up your arse!

There are three things in the world that cannot be stopped: Andrei Malakhov, texting the wrong girl and an open bag of sunflower seeds!

Moscow police officers have been instructed to disperse gay parades.
Point 1: Stay back to back...

The boy with the water pistol kept the carbide factory in fear for a month.

A trained seal, nicknamed Seal, escaped from the Moscow Circus. Special features: he begs for fish in Radzinsky's voice.

Falling in love is like pissing your trousers: everyone can see it, but only you feel that warm feeling.

-Yesterday our boss held an office solitaire championship...
-What are the prizes???))
-The three winners got kicked out(!)

A friend comes out of his mother-in-law's room with a kitten in his arms. Closes the door and says loudly:
- How dare you attack your mother!
And quietly, in a whisper:
- Let me shake your paw!

There's exactly 15 days between February 23 and March 8.
You think it's just a coincidence?

"I'm fed up with these princes," thought Sleeping Beauty.
And indeed, no one was in a hurry to kiss...

So... I'm thinking, hence the hangover.

Signed on the bumper: "Cover me, I'm changing lanes."

[Sergey Novokhatskiy]

MOTHER NATURE HERSELF IS A JOKE

http://pricolisty.ru/blog/43101620855/PRIKALYIVAETSYA-SAMA-PRIRODA--MAT

[Sergey Golubev]

Relatives

[Sergey Petruk]

[Sergey Golubev]

Wimbledon's most beautiful female tennis players

1. Maria Sharapova

Prize-winning tennis player

2. Vera Zvonareva

Russian tennis player, Honoured Master of Sport of Russia.

3. Sabine Lisicki

German tennis player of Polish origin.

4. Flavia Pennetta

Italian tennis player

5. Victoria Azarenka

tennis player