Interesting and Humour - page 4506
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Two Englishmen stand on a bridge and hear shouts from the river:
- Help, I can't swim!
One says to the other:
- George...
- Yes?
- Can you swim?
- Unfortunately, no.
- Neither can I. But we're not shouting about it to the whole of London.
P.S. Once in the south of Krasnodar, in some tavern I was asked "bread", I answered "yes, black" (all my life I ate black), which caused surprise - "why eat black bread, if you have white? And so 15 years later I heard a simple phrase on the subject of bread - "black bread made from low quality grain(in terms of human nutrition), which is for feeding cattle". That's how you live, you live, "bread is the head of everything", and then... like cattle.
Black bread was always rye and cattle were not fed with rye grain.
But white wheat bread, not so good.
If only people drove cars the way they work on computers (Driver and Tech Support phone conversation)
Technician: Driver tech support. How can we help you?
Driver: This... My car won't start.
Technician: Okay. What's the make, model and year of your car?
Driver: I don't... I don't know! I bought it to go to the shop, how would I know...
All right, all right, calm down. Let's try to get rid of this information... (Do you have any petrol in the tank?
Driver: Um... Gas in the tank, you say... How do I know?
Technician: Look at the front panel. Where does it go, E or F?
Driver: Where's the front panel?
Technician: It's right behind the steering wheel if you're sitting in the driver's seat.
Driver: Ah! I see it... (Sighs) So... There's a lot of arrows, which one should I look at?
Technician: Look at the one that says E or F next to it. There might also be a petrol station painted there.
Driver: Aah! I see it. The arrow is pointing to zero.
Technician: What do you mean it's zero?
Driver: Yeah. Straight down to zero. It also says x1000 next to the arrow. Is that the model of my car? An x1,000?
Technician: (deep sigh with eye roll) No, that's not fuel, that's a tachometer. It's supposed to go to zero if the car isn't running. The fuel needle is usually to the left and smaller than the tachometer, and it should say \"E\", then half a circle, then \"F\".
Driver: Ahh. I see, I see! There's an arrow halfway between the E and the F.
Technician: Great! At least we know you've got fuel.
Now let's check the battery. Can you see the steering wheel?
Driver: Mm-hmm.
Technician: Push right in the middle...
Driver: (loud bleeping) Ow! Is that what she's supposed to do?
Technician: (rolling his eyes) It's OK, it's your signal. If it's working, then your battery's fine. Now let's try to start the car.
Driver: Well, shit, I say it won't start. That's why I'm calling, dummy.
Technician: (gritting teeth) Still, let's try again! Press the clutch pedal, press the brake, and turn the key.
Driver: Uh-oh! Let's take it one step at a time. Where's my clutch pedal?
TECHNICIAN: Clutch pedal... Under the steering wheel on the left. Did you find it?
Driver: Got it.
Technician: Push it all the way in. Right. Now do you see the two pedals under the steering wheel on the right?
Driver: Mm-hmm.
Technician: The left one is the brake. Step on it. Have you pressed it?
Driver: I have.
Now turn the key in the ignition.
Driver: How am I supposed to turn the key if both my hands are full?
Technician: Excuse me?
Driver: I squeeze the clutch with my left hand and brake with my right hand. How should I turn the key?
Technician: (choking with laughter). OK, let's try it again, but this time with your feet on the pedals.
Driver: With your legs? Is it possible?
Technician: (still choking with laughter) Yes.
Driver: Let's try... Oh, it's more comfortable... Why didn't you tell me before... (grunts). Push.
Technician: Now turn the ignition key as far as it will go.
Driver: Where's my ignition?
Technician: At the base of the steering wheel, on the right.
Driver: Hmm. I have a hole but no key in it.
Technician: Well, put it in.
Driver: Who?
Technician: (losing patience) The ignition key!
Driver: How do I know which one is the ignition key?
Technician: (clutching his head) It's usually the biggest one on the bunch.
Driver: On the keyring?
Technician: Yes, where you keep all the other keys...
Driver: Aah! So I lost it two days ago. So I need the key?
Technician: (hangs up) Tuuuuuu ....
Driver: Hello, hello?
You can make money just by counting them :-) :-)
- Girl, what are you doing tonight?
- A birdhouse.
- What birdhouse!?
- What kind? An ordinary one - a wooden one.
- Pity, I wanted to invite you to the cinema.
- Well, invite me.
- Miss, let's go to the cinema tonight.
- I can't.
- Why not?
- I've got an unfinished birdhouse at home.
The web users are discussing the footage that has emerged of the strange object.
Taiwan's Scott Waring, a renowned expert on anomalous phenomena, has spotted a giant UFO near the sun in one of NASA's images taken by the EHO 195 SOHO, which shows the sun's disk through a green filter.
According to this schmuck, the creators of the strange object could be aliens from Nibiru, a giant killer planet that is supposedly moving towards the Earth and will destroy all life on our planet as early as August 30.
The web users are discussing an image of a strange object that has surfaced.
Taiwan's Scott Waring, a renowned expert on anomalous phenomena, has spotted a giant UFO next to the sun in one of NASA's images taken by the EHO 195 SOHO, which shows the disk of the sun through a green filter.
In the opinion of this wise man, the creators of the strange object could be aliens from Nibiru, a giant killer planet that is supposedly moving towards Earth and will destroy all life on our planet as early as 30 August.
Are we all going to die?
Are we all going to die?
Are we all going to die?
sooner or later )