Interesting and Humour - page 689

 

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Seema, do you know how many people died in the US from Hurricane Sandy?
- Judging by the news on our TV channels, almost all of them
.
 
Oran:

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Seema, do you know how many people died in the US from Hurricane Sandy?
- Judging by the news on our TV channels, almost all of them
.
 

On the day of the internal affairs officer
PROTOCOLS AND OBSERVATIONS...


(from everywhere and little by little)...

...Citizen F. stated that she had been raped, but not in the usual way.

...one leg was bent at the knee, the other was thrown to the side and the left leg was stretched along the body.

During the renovation of the flat, a wardrobe fell on Mrs. Changshina. I did not seek medical assistance as I was unable to get out from under it for a week.

He took advantage of my inexperience and grabbed me without even paying. (From a statement to the investigator)

Yesterday a corpse was found on the beach, the corpse consisted of a girl of beautiful beauty...

Eyes beautiful, intelligent, thoughtful, one missing...

Gr. Belugina had been struck on the head with a stone or other iron object.

Gr. Mr. Gromov was drunk on Komsomolskaya Square and shouted that he was a dove of peace and demanded money for beer from passers-by.

Gr. Ms. Ivanikhina hit her head on the ground during a fall, as evidenced by a blue bruise on the left buttock of her body.

Gr. Mr. Sidorov, being very drunk, mistook his mother-in-law for a devil, i.e. he made a little mistake.

On January 22, out of my need to buy food for my sick child, I demanded a can of condensed milk from the village shop. I was refused. Then I demanded that it be replaced with a jar of fruit mix. But no substitute was found. Deeply concerned for the fate of the sick child, I bought a quart of vodka and drank it in the same public place, i.e. in the shop. (From the testimony.)

Anikanov gave 50 rubles to Suvorov and Azarkina to buy a bottle of vodka. Thirty minutes passed, but they did not return. Anikanov thought they had run away and called the police. Then Suvorov and Azarkina returned with a bottle of vodka, which they drank together.

Artyukhov explained that his car had been robbed of its licence plate number, petrol pump, wires and a distributor cap and mirror, which had been stolen about a year earlier.

When taken to the police station, Mr. Petrov continued to behave in a hooligan manner and kicked Police Captain Prokhorov in the genitals, with his hat flying off.

At 19.05 on April 18 of this year I, Mr. Yukhnovich S.P., happened to look out of the window and saw Mr. Bagunov R.A. running down the street, followed by a group of women armed with various household items and, in front of them, Mr. Bagunov's wife with an object similar to a poker. This is what it means to lead a promiscuous sexual life in a small and quiet village like ours, where everyone knows you like everybody else!

You can find something good in every person, even the worst one. In order to do this, you have to search him thoroughly... (from the instructions for police officers on duty at police stations)

A photograph was found in the breast pocket of his trousers.

At first the defendant was stubbornly silent, but then suddenly he stubbornly denied all his evidence.

During the search the landlord went out onto the balcony, slamming the door loudly. I thought he wanted to escape, so I immediately jumped out the window without wasting time. I had forgotten that he lived on the third floor.

Mrs. Kuznetsova was acting violently, making noise, shouting, disturbing the citizens to rest peacefully in the soak-room.

They also took away all the fur items except for the cat, which apparently is not yet old enough to wear a hat. (From the victim's statement)

The detained salesman Ivanov hit pensioner Petrov in the face with a piece of meat and as a result ripped out the pensioner's mouth with deep-stuck artificial jaws.

When we went into the basement, we found a dead body lying on the floor. We were about to call the police, but the corpse stood up and started demanding a smoke. When we didn't give it to him, he started cursing us, the government and the president... Then he fell down and died, which was confirmed by an ambulance that arrived two hours later... (From the statement)

The patient had complained of having a knife up his nose.

In the bathroom of the flat. 14, 16 Remeslennaya St. The corpse of Panasenko was found. He had been washed in hot water after drinking alcohol.

I wandered in the labyrinth of houses for exactly one hour, I haven't eaten for two days, I wanted to live the truth, the analysis was important to me...

The corpse of Mrs. Danilova is being taken to the morgue of the regional hospital. Danilova's body is being sent to the morgue.

As to the defendant I'll say that he was a man who wasn't harmful to society, what he earned he would drink.

He was last seen falling out of a window on the fifth floor.

He used foul language in conversation, but it was not directed at me, but to connect words in a sentence.

Due to the birth of my second child I ask to be moved to a busier street.

In the darkness I stumbled across some object that was undressing...

At this time, around 20, we were walking towards the subsequently deceased Katunov.

In the evening in the recreation garden, Ivanov K. and Dmitriev M. were breaking the silence while intoxicated, which resulted in the burning of two benches.

Consider the physical evidence in the case, ninety-two roubles, as given to the victim for his burial.

To take swabs from all genital organs of gr. Rezunkova...

Take swabs from the natural genitalia...

During our rounds in the area of the sanatorium for disabled war veterans we found them swimming in the wrong place. Some were without arms and legs. With the help of the police, these deficiencies were rectified.

Is a fracture of the lower jaw caused by chewing on a hard object possible?

An autopsy showed that there was no alcohol or nicotine in the blood, much less a beating.

The liquid sent for examination had the smell of strong moonshine and the taste of yeast.

Citizen A. fired a gun while wandering around in a drunken state.

Mr. Gerasimov fell out of the 11th floor window. Is death possible?

Mr. Korotkov. Korotkov was admitted to the hospital in an unconscious state complaining of hip pain.

Mr. Deminov inflicted domestic battery on Ms. Deminova.

He has no complaints but complains of abdominal pain.

Complaints of intense headache in the cervical spine...

Zagorulko struck Kormin in the head with a metal pipe, causing a contusion to the right kidney.

Ilyukhin struck Gavrushin twice in the neck with a rib.
Are there
any foreign sperm particles inside the victim?

Is there evidence of which penis was inserted into the victim's vagina?


Are there signs of struggle and self-defence on the penis?

Kustov, with the intent to rape, attacked Citizen Krasnoschek from behind as she was walking along the road, threatening her with a knife and killing her.

The crowbar used to break down the door is bent and in the shape of an incomprehensible letter.

A corpse living at 187 Ulianovskaya Street, apt. 42, is headed for an autopsy.

There is a corpse lying on the bedroom floor with the corpse's wife sitting beside it and weeping bitterly.

On the carriageway of Rabochiy lane gr. Belova was run over by a Kamatsu vehicle, which died at the scene.

At a wedding the deceased was dancing with the bride the whole time.

The body of an unidentified man was found at the station. There are no external signs of violence except a receipt for a year's subscription to the Pravda newspaper and five lottery tickets.

On the table there is a pot measuring 15 cm wide, 17 cm long and 20 cm high.

The corpse is wearing a white cotton T-shirt, white cotton trunks with a botanical pattern.

We're sending you the ashes, which have been hanged.

Going to the coroner's office to have a beating.

I have no regrets about my husband, for he was not a friend and husband, only a pity for wasted years, not filled with warmth of man's strong beginning...

The corpse of Gr. Osadcha, who had gone out fishing with his pals.

The discovered starter, moonshine and apparatus were destroyed by pouring it into a sink.

The clothes on the hanged man did not adhere to the body like those worn by ordinary citizens, but dangled in the wind.

One of them was wearing blood, a white shirt and trousers...

He was sick that night - he had picked up some welding and I poked him some potatoes for relief.

He called me a pig, and I thought and thought and didn't understand why I was a pig. I mean, she's a woman and I'm a man. So I took offence and hit citizen Nikolaev.

He hit me in that place, which is far from indifferent to my wife. Right in the face.

The specific marks: when walking his whole body seems to move and at the same time stands in place.

Pavlov inflicted damage to the thumb of his left hand.

There were three drunk people riding a two-wheeled motorbike on the road. At my order to stop, the driver shouted: "We're not taking a fourth!"

After drinking, there was a fight between the wall and the fence.

After committing intercourse, he tore off his shirt pocket and wiped his penis with it...

The last one was a pedestrian with a bag and flip-flops that slapped on her heels.

The victim was wearing a school uniform over which she was wearing a dark blue jumper, children's underwear and green socks.

The victim Maschalsky, about to cross the street, stopped at the edge of the pavement, looked around carefully and was hit by a Zaporozhets car.

The perpetrator at the scene drank a bottle of beer, ate half a kilo of sweets and 10 p. coins.

Three bodies were found dead next to the hanged man's body, but an autopsy revealed that they were alive, just that they had been given an advance that day.

Accompanying their actions were threats and the infliction of bodily injuries on citizen Bezuglova which did not result in short-term health problems.

This condition can occur not only in healthy people engaged in sports, but also in other diseases.

The bodily injuries were sustained at the place of residence in a garbage dump.

The corpse pulled out of the water was warm but turning blue, so it showed no signs of life.

The corpse died due to illness.

The blows were to the head, body and torso...

Although I am an Uzbek by nationality, I speak Russian well. Therefore, I will give my testimony in Russian.

I, Makov, am giving my own hand-written testimony... Yesterday, December 19, 1993, while walking down Lenin Street, I found Mr. Petrov violating the City Council Resolution No. 3141592 on the wall of the Sibir Hotel. I gave the citizen a verbal warning. He turned around and continued to violate the city council resolution #3141592 on me. I took the citizen to the police. On the way he viciously continued to violate the city council resolution #3141592, and did so in a particularly cynical way, i.e. in a zigzag fashion. When I took the citizen to the police, he stopped violating City Council Decree No. 3141592, but not because he realised, but because he was exhausted.

 
Mischek:

...

What happened at 13.14 ?
 

Housing for the average Chinese personhttp://vsegda-tvoj.livejournal.com/4592682.html

 
Mischek:

The picture of the mum-killing type is no fun at all....
 
andcam:
The picture of the mum killing, not a joke at all....
not even a joke, not even humor.
 
Mischek:
You make any wish and it comes true. I've already had my wish come true.)
It's not clear. But the most important thing is that at least someone's wish came true. ))
 
 
Mischek:


Dangerous work for stuntmen. It's the only way to get eaten...
Reason: