Interesting and Humour - page 1085
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Mikhail Zhvanetsky's cry of the soul
It has been written hundreds of times about how gloomy and harsh we are. That we are acrimonious and perpetually dissatisfied, too. About the fact that the citizens of our immense motherland are ready to blame everything on everyone else, but not themselves, is also well known. Mikhail Mikhailovich put it all together in his inimitable succinct manner:
Our people only go to Stockholm (London and so on) to be surrounded by Swedes.
Everything else is already there in Moscow. Or nearly so.
They do not go out, change their lives and professions in order to eat something, and not in order to live under the leadership of the Swedish prime minister...
So what should we do?
I would say: change to the Swedish side. I don't want to talk about it, because it's easy to talk about it.
But at least be aware of it.
There we are like white crows, like black rabbits, like yellow horses.
We are different from everyone else.
We are visible.
We are aggressive.
We are irritable.
We are in a hurry to get somewhere and give no one time to think.
We are rudely impatient.
Everyone waits silently until the one in front is seated, we get under the elbow, behind the back, we nudge the one in front in impatience: he is supposedly slow to step over.
We rush on the plane, on the train, on the bus, even though we are already there.
We go out in company to a taxi rank and push the bystander in impatience. We are in a hurry.
Where to? To the flat.
What for? To get there quicker. Quicker to get the table together.
To sit all together....
But we're already all together?!
We can't relax.
We can't believe what's around us. We have to push one off and walk through, blazing blue flasher lights.
We're all Cagebusters, we're all on a mission.
We are seen.
We can be heard.
We still smell of sweat, even though we no longer produce anything.
We are easy to recognise: we change from alcohol to worse.
We are boastful, aggressive and obscenely shouty.
It's probably not our fault.
But who is?
Well, let's say the Jews.
That's what our Jews look like...
And English Jews are English.
We seem to be badly washed under our clothes, that we can't take a shower every day.
We are annoyed by other people's cleanliness.
We can urinate on a clean pavement.
Why? We cannot explain.
Spirituality and love of country do not fit here.
It's not about imitation or humiliation in front of them... It's just... There are ducks swimming everywhere, hares running around, just uneaten hares.
Nobody takes fish out of water.
And there are not many people everywhere.
It is a strange world.
Free on the bus.
Free in the shop.
Free in the toilet.
Free in the gym.
Free at the swimming pool.
Free at the hospital.
Unless our impatient to lie down, impatient to get up bursts in.
We get terribly annoyed when something is not there, as if at home we have it all.
I cannot understand why we want something from everyone and want nothing from ourselves?
Of course we won't change, but at least we'll be aware of it.
They don't want anything from us and they don't live much richer.
It is not they who want to live among us.
It is we who want to live among them.
Why?
Do we feel that they are better?
So I say: there are some among us, like in Stockholm.
They live in monasteries. Our monks are Swedes.
In their gentleness, their quietness and their unkindness.
Here I am, if I wasn't a Jew and a humorist, I would live in a monastery.
It's a place that suits me just fine.
I can't hang a cross on my chest like our pop stars. You want to nail her in the corner, find out her nationality, and ask her how it happened.
Why do you hang up your cross and don't change?
At least put on some decent clothes.
"It was more fun in Soviet times," said the lad in the Old Flat.
The communal flat unwittingly contributes to this.
I know how much fun it was.
I was that comedian.
The Soviets liked it, too.
We sat behind the fence, had fun in the kitchen, sang in the woods, read in the metro.
Solzhenitsyn had a cover of Sechenov.
Of course, it was more fun, more friendly, more cohesive.
And what we turned into, we learned from others when the gates were opened.
We asked the doctor:
- Doctor, how am I? What is wrong with me?
The diagnosis is made from the outside.
No president can change us.
He's one of us.
He's his own unknowns.
We can't have an honest path to the top - categorically.
Why did you go to the district party committee or to the KGB when you were young?
How can you explain that?
We all refused, didn't we?!
We lied, we lied, we crawled, we hid in holes, but we didn't get recruited! Come on...
You can sell your voice, your talent, your skill.
If not, you sell your soul and wonder why you are elected on your word.
Our diagnosis is that we are not yet civilized.
We have a very low percentage of hitting the toilet bowl, the spittoon, the urn.
The language we use is rude.
We translate from the mat.
We understand and love power well, it makes us submissive to dictatorship and criminality. Both in prison and in life. Here is what it seems to me:
1. We need to stop hating anyone.
2. Stop being annoyed.
3. Stop laughing.
4. Stop being afraid.
5. Stop listening and just listen.
6. Stop asking.
7. Stop groveling.
8. Smiling. Forcefully. Fake. But make sure you smile.
Next:
With the future president - a contract!
He ensures us security, freedom of speech, justice, freedom for everyone and peace, i.e. long term rules.
And food, earnings, residence, education, entertainment and work are our business. That is all.
We don't think about it anymore.
We have too much to do.
.... the line between humour and reality has been completely erased.... Humour definitively denies reality and turns a serious forum into solid and unequivocal "humour" - it is not forbidden and even encouraged here to make fun of your country, your president and your people - and I understand that making fun of a moderator ... in this thread is not forbidden either.
joke - "Perestroika" (shovel)
By the way, moderation is also present in this thread, not all "humour" passes through here.
what to do, ....
- Darling, from this day forward I quit drinking!
Wife:
- Who's going to call me beautiful?
Gea
Right now - one of the good channels (I have already cited this one):