Interesting and Humour - page 789
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Petersburgers going to live in Moscow increases the average IQ of residents of both capitals. (c) hmmm.
))
Petersburgers going to live in Moscow increases the average IQ of residents of both capitals. (c) hz
1. If a dinosaur touches an electrified fence, it will immediately die, but if an eight-year-old child touches it, it will get away with minor injuries
2. All computer disks work on all computers without exception, regardless of software
3. If a woman is home alone and suddenly hears a noise, she is more likely to go find out what's going on in her most seductive underwear
4. No matter how blurry a photo is, it can always be enlarged and processed so that you can see the picture it captures in great detail
5. All police departments have special tests for their officers, so that each officer can be matched with the most unsuitable partner
6. If you decide to dance in the street, you'll immediately find that people around you know all your moves and have been waiting for an opportunity to join you
7. When you go to bed, you don't find yourself in total darkness; everything in your room is just as visible as in the light. Except the colours are a little more faded
8. In the movies, you stand a good chance of surviving any battle or any war, but on one condition: you must not show anyone a picture of the girl who is waiting for you at home.
9. At the movies, you always have no problem parking right in front of the building you need to get into
10. The chief of the police station almost always suspends his best detective. At best, he has 48 hours to solve an extremely complicated case
11. No matter how dead the villain seems, he will probably have to be killed three more times
12. At least once during the investigation, a police officer has an urgent need to visit a strip club
13. The dogs always know who the bad guy is and will bark at him
14. The Eiffel Tower is visible from every window in Paris
15. If a man coughs in a movie, it usually means that he is terminally and incurably ill
16. If you put lipstick on your lips, the lipstick will stay on even after a diving lesson
17. Cars involved in accidents almost always explode and burn
18 The ventilation system in a movie is the perfect place to hide. No one will ever think of looking for you there. Plus, you can easily get into any room in the house from it
19. People go to the toilet very rarely. And almost anyone who does decide to go there is found dead in just a few minutes
20. All watches always run with the same accuracy
21. More often than not, young spectacular blondes are experts in either nuclear weapons or quantum physics and have science degrees already at 22.
22. Characters in films never type with mistakes .
23. The television news usually shows an issue that affects the main character personally and the moment he turns on the television.
24. If someone is badly hurt, the first thing to ask is "Are you all right?".
25. Regardless of the damage to the spacecraft, it always has a perfectly functioning gravity system.
26. Any amount of information is stored on a single floppy disk.
27. it makes no difference which wire (red or blue) has to be cut at the time bomb to disarm it. The main thing is to cut it exactly one second before it explodes (see point 28).
28. All explosive devices have a large red sign showing the time until detonation.
29. Regardless of the quality of the picture, it can always be enlarged, so that the smallest details can be seen.
30. If an expert has made a prediction, no one will believe him and it will all come true exactly, but if they do, it will never happen.
31. When the good guys make a powerful explosion they always walk away beautifully and never look back, they are never hit by the blast wave.
32. All the "bad guys" have such vicious faces that they should be arrested just for their appearance.
33. One match can light up a room the size of a stadium.
34. Before shooting a villain, the heroes always lecture for a few minutes and talk about their future plans.
35. Six-shot pistols are capable of firing at least 30 times, and automatic weapons never run out of ammunition.
36. A chainsaw is always on hand when you need it.
37. Most computers, even the smallest ones, are capable of playing back realistic 3D interactive animation in gigantic resolutions with photorealistic colour depth.
38. Most laptops are powerful enough to hijack the communications systems of any hostile alien civilisations.
39. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings, especially when their family or friends have died in strange boating accidents.
40. Most dogs live forever.
41. During a murder investigation lasting several weeks, there is no need to go home to sleep, shave or change clothes.
42. All American schools teach only English and American history.
43. There are no electric switches in kitchens, so if you go into the kitchen at night, you have to open the refrigerator and use it for lighting.
44. At the last moment, before you're supposed to be killed, there's bound to be some kind of valve, turning it will release a jet of steam on the villain and disarm him.
45. There will be a loaf of French bread in the bag of every woman coming out of the shop.
46. All women will go to bed in their make-up without any fear of smearing it all over the bed.
47. All the computers are connected.
48. All single women keep cats.
49. All control panels run on 1000 volts and have explosive devices built in.
50. All bad heroes either wear pigtails or have long, messy hair.
51. All beds have special blankets that are
L-shaped, covering the woman up to her shoulders and the man lying under the lady only up to his waist.
52. All Russians in American movies are usually called Nikolai (or Mikhail).
53. Entering the enemy camp, the hero moves exclusively by somersaults.
54. You can bypass the "Access Denied" message by using the "ignore" command.
55. Combat heroes are never punished for murder or criminal acts when they wipe out entire cities.
56. Movie characters are extremely quick to type, and never use the space bar.
57. Looking through binoculars, you will see everything as the number 8.
58. Even a slight bump of the head is enough to make you forget everything in the world.
59. The actors in the film are the hero, the villain, America.
60. A detective can only successfully investigate a case when he is relieved of his duties.
70. Dinosaurs only eat nasty and unimportant people.
71. It costs nothing for lovers to break out in song.
72. For reprisals, heroes are driven into abandoned steel mills.
73. To boot your computer with a destructive virus, simply type "boot virus" on your keyboard.
74. If the Germans are shooting at you, dive into a river or at least a bathtub - German bullets do not penetrate water.
75. If a large window pane appears in the frame, it means someone will soon be thrown through it.
76. If a movie has a secondary character and a dark basement that you shouldn't enter, that character is bound to go in there to ask the idiotic question "Who's there?" and get hit over the head.
77. If there is a whole army of "bad guys" armed with tanks, grenade launchers, aeroplanes, etc., then there is bound to be one "good guy" armed with just a penknife who will destroy them all.
78. If you are driving on a perfectly straight road you just need to sharply turn the steering wheel from left to right every few seconds.
79. If you want to impersonate a German or a Russian you do not have to speak their languages, just speak with an accent.
80. If you get caught in the act because of an unfortunate misunderstanding which can be quickly rectified by a simple explanation, keep your mouth shut, for God's sake.
81. If you are viewing a file and someone deletes it, the file disappears from the screen.
82. If a villain shoots a policeman, even at point-blank range, he never shoots him. It always turns out to be a provident wearing a bulletproof vest. Even if it's not there, the bullet will hit the badge or the bulletproof notebook.
83. If there are encrypted files on a floppy disk, you should insert it into the floppy drive and you will immediately be asked for the password.
84. If you hear lonesome music in a cemetery, you must explore the cemetery.
85. If a dangerous culprit escapes, there will be a thunderstorm in your neighbourhood that will cut the electricity and phone lines.
86. If the telephone line is broken, the connection can be re-established by frantically knocking on the receiver and shouting Hello? Hello?
87.If a policeman has had his best friend killed, he should definitely shout at the top of his voice NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
88. If the person you're chasing has left in the lift of a 20-story building, you can easily catch up with him if you run up the stairs.
89. If something emits radiation, it is sure to glow green.
90. The bell always interrupts teachers halfway through a sentence.
91. When making a phone call, you don't have to say hello and goodbye at all.
92. When the villain enters the victim's house, the latter takes a shower behind a transparent curtain.
93. When foreign soldiers are alone, they prefer to speak English to each other.
94. When one shoots at 20, he has a better chance of hitting than 20 shooting at one.
95. When the main computer of a nuclear plant or missile base overheats, all the control panels burn out, followed by the explosion of the entire building.
96. When characters look at a monitor, the image is so bright that it projects onto their face.
97. When paying off a taxi driver, don't look into your wallet - take it at random and give it away. You will always get the sum you want.
98. Cocaine is transported in batches of 50 tons.
99. The number of saved lives must be in the range of 2 to 6 billion.
100. At least one of the two twins is a born villain.
Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah.)