Interesting and Humour - page 2985
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When you really want to be beautiful but don't have the money.
Let's go on a binge...
-Why do your children fight all the time? -Conflict of versions,‖ answers the programmer.
The difference between a Hacker and a Programmer - it's not evil and good respectively.)) This is in their free time and at work:DD.
-Can I make a wish if I'm sitting between two programmers? -You can! Only it will be glitchy.
The programmer is a professional converter of the customer's hallucinations into a rigid formal system.
"There's that spam again!" - shouted the programmer, tearing up the military subpoena.
Venus programmer treats his patients with Kaspersky:DD
The programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to bed. One with water in case he gets thirsty in the night. And the second one is empty - in case he does not want to...
The programmer's wife sends him to a shop and says: "You can buy a loaf of bread, and if you have eggs, you can buy a dozen. The programmer comes to the shop: "I want a loaf. He is given a loaf. -Do you have eggs? -Yes. -Then I'll have nine more loaves...
An engineer, a physicist and a programmer from Microsoft are driving in a car, suddenly it stops. Engineer: "It's probably the gasoline." Physicist: "Definitely something wrong with the engine". Programmer: "Wait a minute. Let's just get out of the car and then get back in and everything will be fine again."
-Programmer's going on a date, takes a couple of packs of antiviruses.
-Do you know the difference between a system administrator and a programmer? -Yes, I do, the system administrator helps people solve problems with the computer, and the programmer creates them, composing programs for obscure interfaces.)
A programmer is as different from a user as a zoologist is from a zoophile.
The more a programmer complains about someone else's soft, the worse he makes his own.
There are only two truly necessary men in my life - my dad and a programmer.
My boyfriend is a programmer. And when I asked him how much he loves me, he said he loves me like a motherboard processor... Man, that feels so good...
The more precisely the programmer fulfills the customer's requirements, the more clueless the program becomes.
One programmer to another: -I went to the Microsoft website... ...a big one.
A 6-year-old girl approaches her mother and says: "The postman is also a programmer, because he delivers programs and sells letters, right mum? :D
If a programmer starts sweeping a fly off a monitor screen with a mouse, it means it's time to go to sleep...
The programmer catches a goldfish, and the goldfish says to him: "Make a wish. -Wish for world peace! -No, it's complicated. -Well, then let Windows 98 work properly. -Listen, what about world peace?
Can someone finally explain to my great-grandmother that a programmer and an electrician are not the same thing...?
Again everything is frozen till dawn: no mouse squeaks and no leaf falls... Only you can hear: somewhere a lonely programmer falls asleep on the keys...
A programmer walks, sees a beautiful girl. -Girl, do you have e-mail? -No. Too bad. Otherwise we would have met...
A problem that a good programmer can solve in a couple of minutes, but a good physicist would go crazy: Asya weighs 4.2 meters. How long will it take to download it if the bandwidth is 5 kilos per second?!?
Somehow, when I call a plumber, he doesn't laugh at the fact that I don't know about toilets. And the programmer always makes fun of me!
-Girl, would you like a beer? -No. -Wine? -No! -Vodka? -No! The programmer thinks to himself: "Strange, the standard drivers didn't fit."
The more the customer understands programming, the more he gets in the way.
The programmer gets into a lift and remembers that he has to get to the 12th floor. What to do? Well, he presses "1", presses "2", and starts frantically looking for the "Enter" key.
A software engineering student arrives in the morning angry. His classmates ask him why he is so angry. -I was working on the program all night last night. -And it didn't work? -No, it worked. -Maybe it didn't work right? -No, it's right. -No, it's not. -Then what? -Then what? -I fell asleep on the backspace...
A programmer meets a girl: "Young lady, what's your name?" - "Lena." - "And the extension?".
Programmer to programmer: "Suppose you have 1000 rubles... Well, for the round account we'll take 1024..."
-Fuck...only the programmer's wife could disrupt the sex with the phrase "Found a new HID device"!
A programmer is a person who solves a problem you didn't know about in a way you don't understand.))
A programmer is a prisoner of the If lock.))
Any normal person thinks there are 1000 bytes in 1 megabyte. Any Russian programmer, on the other hand, firmly believes that 1 kilometre has 1024 metres.
Most girls start a "new life" on Monday or with a new haircut. And me, as a true programmer, by reinstalling Windows.)
Programmer sinks -F1! F1! F1!
The programmer texts his director: -The salary you're paying me, you can shove it up your ass. I'm worth a million dollars!!! Director: -Who told you that? Programmer: -Pirates in Somalia!
A computer programmer is walking down the street, a brick falls on his head. "Tetris" he thinks.
The programmer stands by the window and gropes for the frame. His friend walks up to him. -Hello. What are you doing? -I'm examining the window. -And the results? -It's weird. The window. I can open it, I can close it, but I can't roll it up!
A musician, an alcoholic and a computer programmer were asked what they would do if they suddenly woke up in 1980... The musician would go to the rescue of John Lennon. An alcoholic would drink cheap vodka. And the programmer would have hanged himself... Why? Why sit behind the EU again?
A programmer comes home, the cat runs up to him and starts to caress his hand, licking it, purring... Wife sees that and asks: -"What has happened to the cat all of a sudden? Why is it licking its hand? -What do you mean? It smells like a mouse...
What's the difference between a complete programmer and a simple user? A user thinks that a kilobyte is 1000 bytes, while a programmer thinks that a kilometre is 1024 metres.
Programmers can have everything except disk space!
Users are "You" to computers, programmers are "You", and hackers are "You asshole..."
The song in the twentieth minute of the video is really strong!
The song in the twentieth minute of the video is really strong!
Here's the song: