Interesting and Humour - page 2584

[Andrey Tuchak]

sergeev:

works :)

okay....

[[Deleted]]

[Andrey Dik]

We're made of meat.

A small part of Terry Beeson's short story, nominated for several awards.

- They're meaty.

- Meaty?

- Yeah. They're made of meat.

- Meat?!

- There's no mistake. We picked up several from different parts of the planet, brought them aboard our scout ship and tested them thoroughly. They're all meat.

- But this is incredible! What about radio signals? What about messages to the stars?

- They use radio waves to communicate, but they don't send the signals themselves. The signals come from machines.

- But who builds those machines? That's who the contact is with!

- That's who builds them. That's what I'm telling you. Meat makes the machines.

- That's ridiculous! How can meat make cars? You want me to believe in meat with memory and feelings?

- I don't want anything. I'm just telling you what's out there. They're the only sentient beings in the whole sector, and yet they're made of meat.

- Maybe they're like orfolk. You know, that carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat phase as it develops?

- Not really. They're born meat and die meat. We've studied them over the course of several life cycles - which, by the way, are quite short. Do you have any idea how long meat lives?

- Oh, spare me... Okay. Maybe they're not all meat after all. You know, like those... Veddylae. The meat head with the electron-plasma brain inside.

- No, they're not! That's what we thought at first. If their head was made of meat. But then, like I said, we tested them all. Top to bottom. There's meat everywhere. Inside and out.

- What about the brain?

- Oh, there's a brain, all right. But also made of meat.

- Where do thoughts come from?!

- You don't get it, do you? Thoughts are produced by the brain. Meat.

- Meat has thoughts? You want me to believe in intelligent meat?

- Hell, yes! Mind meat. Meat with feelings. With a conscience. Meat that dreams. All meat. You know what I mean?

- Oh, my God... Are you serious?

- Absolutely. They're seriously made of meat, and they've spent the last hundred years trying to get in touch.

- What do they want?

- Talk, for starters... Then, apparently, poke around the universe, reach out to scientists on other worlds and steal ideas and data from them. Same as always.

- So we have to talk to the meat?

- That's just it. That's what they keep saying in their messages: "Hello! Anybody home? Anybody home?" - and stuff like that.

- You mean they're really talking? With words and ideas and concepts?

- They sure do. Especially with the surrounding meat...

- But you said they use radio!

- Yes, but... What do you think they're jamming the airwaves with? Meat sounds. You know that squawking sound they make when they slap the meat on the meat? That's how they slap each other. And they even sing as they squirt compressed air through the meat.

- That's crazy. Singing meat! That's too much... What do you advise?

- Officially or between us?

- Either way.

- Officially, we're supposed to make contact, welcome them and grant access to the Full Register of Thinking Beings and Multiverse Minds in this sector - without prejudice, fear or indulgence on our part. But between you and me - I'd wipe the hell out of their data and forget about them forever.

- I was hoping you'd say that.

- A measure, of course, forced. But there's a limit! Do we really want to get to know the meat?

- I couldn't agree more. Well, we'll say to them, "Hey, meat! How's it going?" Then what? How many planets have they inhabited?

- Just one. They can travel in special metal containers, but they can't live permanently on the move. Also, being meat, they can only travel in space C. This prevents them from reaching the speed of light - which means their chances of making contact are simply negligible. Infinitely small, to be exact.

- So we're better off pretending there's no one in the universe?

- Exactly.

- Cruel... On the other hand, you're right: who wants to meet meat? And those who were taken on board for testing - are you sure they don't remember anything?

- If they do, they'll be mistaken for a lunatic. We got inside their heads and smoothed the meat in such a way that they perceive us as dreams.

- Meat dreams... Just think - we dream of meat!

- And then this whole sector can be marked on the map as uninhabited.

- Oh, that's great! I couldn't agree more. Both officially and between us. Case closed. No others? What else is fun on the other side of the galaxy?

[TheXpert]

Yeah, it's good stuff. I think it was popular during the Space Ranger boom.

And here's my favourite story that once blew my mind ) -- http://www.lib.ru/VOGT/vogt4.txt

[Vladimir Seredenok]

[Vasiliy Smirnov]

i_logic:

This one will be better.

The whole of Europe is dependent, except for a select few, like Denmark. Lithuania and Ireland are 80-85% dependent. Malta, Cyprus, Luxembourg are almost 100% dependent.

[Vladimir Seredenok]

[Anatoli Kazharski]

[Vladimir Karputov]

Windows 10 is coming out in the summer. This is the first I've heard of Windows Hello, the biometric user authentication system.

[Vladimir Karputov]

The mechanics of sending the brain into overdrive