Interesting and Humour - page 2611
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Comrade Stalin had a peculiar sense of humour, peculiar but very witty. Sometimes he voiced his decisions and conclusions with humour, but those to whom he said it were far from laughing.
1. In developing the car "Victory", it was planned that the name of the car will be "Motherland". Upon learning of this, Stalin ironically asked: "Well, how much will we have the Motherland?" The name of the car immediately changed.
2. From the memoirs of one of Stalin's guards A.Rybin. Stalin's travels were often accompanied by a security guard, Tukov. He sat in the front seat next to the chauffeur and was in the habit of falling asleep on the way. Someone from the Politburo, riding with Stalin in the back seat, remarked:
- Comrade Stalin, I do not understand which one of you guards whom?
- He put his pistol in my cloak, just in case!
3. Once Stalin was reported that the Marshal Rokossovsky appeared mistress and it - a famous beautiful actress Valentina Serova. And, they say, what shall we do with them now? Stalin took the tube out of his mouth, thought for a while and said:
- What shall we do, what shall we do... we will be jealous!
4. Stalin walked with the First Secretary of the Central Committee of Georgia A. I. Mgeladze along the alleys of the Kuntsevo dacha and treated him to lemons, which he himself had grown in his lemon tree:
- Try them, they grew here, near Moscow! And so on several times, between conversations on other topics:
- Try these, good lemons! Finally the interlocutor hit him:
- Comrade Stalin, I promise you that in seven years Georgia will supply the country with lemons, and we will not import them from abroad.
- Thank God, I guessed! - said Stalin.
5. The designer of artillery systems V. G. Grabin told me how on the eve of 1942 Stalin invited him and said:
- Your gun saved Russia. What do you want - a Hero of Socialist Labor or a Stalin Prize?
- I don't care, Comrade Stalin.
They gave me both.
6. During the war the troops under the command of Baghramyan were the first to reach the Baltic. To make the occasion more glorious, the Armenian general personally poured water from the Baltic Sea into a bottle and ordered his aide-de-camp to fly to Moscow to Stalin with the bottle. He flew. But while he was flying, the Germans counterattacked and drove Baghramyan away from the Baltic coast. By the time the adjutant arrived in Moscow, they were already aware of this, but the adjutant himself did not know - there was no radio in the plane. And so the proud adjutant enters Stalin's office and proclaims in pathos: - Comrade Stalin, General Bagramyan sends you the water of the Baltic! Stalin takes the bottle, spins it in his hands for a few seconds, then gives it back to the aide-de-camp and pronounces: - Give it back to Baghramyan, tell him to pour it out where he took it.
7. In 1939 we watched "The train goes to the East". The film is not a good one: a train rides, stops...
- What station is it? - Stalin asked.
- Demyanovka.
- That's where I'll get off," said Stalin and left the hall.
8. A candidate for the post of Minister of Coal Industry was discussed.
The director of one of the mines, Zasyadko, was proposed. Someone objected:
- Everything is good, but he abuses alcohol!
- Invite him to see me," said Stalin. Zasyadko came in. Stalin began talking to him and offered him a drink.
- With pleasure, - said Zasyadko, poured a glass of vodka: - To your health, Comrade Stalin! - he drank and continued his conversation.
Stalin took a sip and, watching attentively, offered the second one. Zasyadko - slammed down a second glass, and not a peep in sight. Stalin offered a third, but his interlocutor pushed his glass aside and said:
- Zasyadko knows his measure.
We talked. At a meeting of the Politburo, when the question of the ministerial nominee came up again, and again it was stated that the proposed candidate was abusing alcohol, Stalin, walking around with his pipe, said:
- Zasyadko knows the measure!
And for many years Zasyadko headed our coal industry...
9. A colonel-general was reporting to Stalin on the situation. The Supreme Commander looked very pleased and nodded approvingly twice. Finishing his report, the military commander hesitated. Stalin asked: "Is there anything else you want to say?"
"Yes, I have a personal question. I took away some things of interest to me in Germany, but they were detained at the checkpoint. If it is possible, I would ask that they be returned to me."
"It is possible. Write a report, I'll put a resolution on it."
The Colonel-General pulled a pre-prepared report from his pocket. Stalin applied the resolution. The petitioner began to thank him fervently.
"Not worth thanking," remarked Stalin.
After reading the resolution written on the report, "To return the colonel his junk. I. Stalin," the general turned to the Supreme: "There is a typo here, Comrade Stalin. I am not a colonel, but a colonel-general."
"No, that is correct, Comrade Colonel," replied Stalin.
10. Admiral Isakov had been Deputy People's Commissar of the Navy since 1938. One day in 1946 he received a phone call from Stalin and said that there was an opinion to appoint him chief of the Chief Naval Staff, that year renamed the General Headquarters of the Navy.
Isakov replied, "Comrade Stalin, I must inform you that I have a serious defect: one leg has been amputated."
"Is this the only disadvantage you feel it necessary to report?" - A question followed.
"Yes," the admiral confirmed.
"We used to have a chief of staff without a head. That's all right, worked. You only have a leg missing - that's all right," concluded Stalin.
11. After the war, Stalin learned that Professor K. "otgrohal" near Moscow expensive dacha. He summoned him to himself and asked: "Is it true that you built yourself a dacha for so many thousands!" - "True, Comrade Stalin," replied the professor. "Many thanks to you from the orphanage to which you gave this dacha," said Stalin and sent him off to teach in Novosibirsk.
12. In the autumn of 1936, word spread in the West that Joseph Stalin had died of a serious illness. Charles Nitter, a correspondent for the Associated Press news agency, decided to get the information from the most reliable source. He went to the Kremlin, where he delivered a letter to Stalin, asking him to confirm or deny the rumour.
Stalin replied to the journalist immediately: "My gracious sovereign! As far as I know from foreign press reports, I have long ago left this sinful world and moved into the other world. Since the foreign press can only be trusted, if you do not want to be taken off the list of civilised people, please believe them and do not disturb my peace in the silence of the netherworld.
October 26, 1936. Sincerely Stalin."
13. Once foreign correspondents asked Stalin:
- Why is Mount Ararat depicted on the coat of arms of Armenia, because it is not in the territory of Armenia?
Stalin replied:
- The emblem of Turkey shows a crescent, but it too is not in the territory of Turkey.
14. The People's Commissar of Agriculture of Ukraine was summoned to the Politburo, He asked:
- How should I report: briefly or in detail?
- As you like, you can be brief or detailed, but the time limit is three minutes, - Stalin answered.
15. At the Bolshoi Theater was preparing a new production of Glinka's opera "Ivan Susanin. Listen to the members of the commission headed by Chairman Bolshakov and decided that it is necessary to remove the final "Glory to the Russian people!": Clergy, patriarchal...
Reported to Stalin.
"We'll do something different: We'll keep the finale and take Bolshakov off."
16. When it was decided what to do with the German navy, Stalin suggested we divide it, and Churchill made a counter suggestion: "Sink it". Stalin replies: "Here you have your half and sink it."
17. Stalin arrived at the play at the Khud. He was met by Stanislavsky and, holding out his hand said: "Alekseev", saying his real surname.
"Dzhugashvili," replied Stalin, shaking his hand, and made his way to his chair.
18. Harriman at the Potsdam Conference asked Stalin:
"After the Germans were 18 km. from Moscow in 1941, you must be pleased to share a defeated Berlin now?"
"Tsar Alexander made it to Paris," Stalin replied.
19. Stalin asked meteorologists what their percentage of forecast accuracy was.
- Forty percent, Comrade Stalin.
- And you say the opposite, and then you will have sixty percent.
20. During the war, Stalin instructed Baibakov to discover new oil fields. When Baibakov objected that this was impossible, Stalin replied:
- There will be oil, there will be Baibakov, there will be no oil, there will be no Baibakov!
Soon deposits were discovered in Tataria and Bashkiria.
Apparently the little dog is a mongrel and acts on the principle,"Don't yawn,Homie, that's what the fair is all about.
It seems the little dog is a mutt and acts on the principle:"Don't yawn,Homie, that's what the fair is all about".
Or maybe it's their joint mallow and that's why they have such dull faces, unlike the youngsters? // freeloaders ))))))
Dad probably suspects it's not joint.
It's a chihuahua. )))
I wonder what a chihuahua puppy is called?