Interesting and Humour - page 245
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Double jeopardy is when one blonde teaches the other how to drive ...
***Text message to wife: "Kidnapped by aliens ... They're experimenting on me ... They've already doused me with perfume, smeared me with lipstick, scratched my back, taken my money ... They promised to let me go in an hour.
***It's very hard to spend a holiday wisely, after 11 months of dumb work...
***- When I was a kid, I liked to do archaeology, and my mum called it digging potatoes...
***- What are we having for lunch today?- Pepper....
- Stuffed?
- Ground...
***
- Honey, why do you always make meatballs in different sizes?
- To diversify your diet, honey!
***Brewing a coffee and cream and neatly slicing the cake, she made herself comfortable on the sofa to watch her favourite aerobics tape ...
***I used to love summer, but then I realised summer could be any time of year. Now I love money...
***Finding a prince on a white horse is easy: he's one such jerk on a horse among the Lexus.
***Two girlfriends in a crowded underground:
- God, it's so crowded ....
- Weird, yesterday at the disco you called it atmosphere...
***- Everybody knows happiness isn't about money, but a lot of people want to see for themselves.
***- You're sitting on my neck, you're eating my brain, you're drinking my blood. Now watch how it ends for you ....
- Darling, are you saying something to me? - my wife asks from the kitchen.
- No, no, I'm about to swat a mosquito ....
***- Good thing I wasn't born in the 19th century.
- Why not?
- I would have died a long time ago.
***- This salad is delicious, honey.
- I bought it myself!
***
A sleeping baby is not only cute, but also finally.***
Oddities of the Russian language:
A bachelorette party is a woman's party and a womanizer is a man in love.
***
- I bought a German juicer, and it broke.
- How much juice did you get?
- Just a little bit of apple and orange, and it's already broken on the birch.
***
And it's getting warmer: you can keep your down jacket unzipped in the flat...
***Epitaph on the tomb of the Serpent Gorynych:
"He was born to fly, had a fiery heart, spoke three languages and appreciated the beauty of women."
***
Mixed feelings are when you get a valentine in the face.
***
- Honey, I wish I had a big bag of red caviar-flavoured croutons! Or no, the other way around! And better yet, no crouton flavor!
***
"I owe you ten kopecks!" - with that simple phrase, salesgirl Lena made her first million.
***
- Listen, these dumplings are delicious!
- Well, they are... but normal people go to the movies with popcorn.
***
- Honey, you want to watch figure skating on TV?
- Come on! (Laughs) Who's skating?
- Well... CSKA and Montreal.
*****
- Mum, Dad, I want to live alone!
- We're happy for you, son.
- I already packed your stuff.
***
I hear someone going through the wardrobe... I open it, it's going out of style.
***
Got a son, got a house! Tomorrow I'll buy a shovel, plant a tree - and that's it, I'm a man!
***
I don't care about money, it makes me feel better.
***
I did four things at once:
Opened a mineral water, washed my face, mopped the floor, gave the cat a heart attack...
***
I'm not arguing or arguing with you. I'm just explaining in detail why I'm right.
***
The wife's salary is her salary! And the husband's salary is the family budget...
eye-roller
eye-roller
The country with the best medicine in the world has been named
China has opened the world's longest canyon bridge
and the UK will tighten controls on citizens' e-mails
but best of all, the Hubble telescope's Big Space Photo Journey.