Morning Coffee: Erratic, controlling, fun, finance superstar now hiring. Morgan Stanley vs. Goldman Sachs

Do you want to work for a dyslexic, dyspraxic, easily-frustrated boss who doesn’t want you to have many opinions of your own, and requires that you’re available early in the morning, late at night and sometimes at weekends? If so, Guy Hands’ vacancy for a head of corporate communications is for you.

The Financial Times reports that Hands is hiring a new chief communicator for Terra Firm, his private equity firm. The job spec is ‘unusual’, Among other things, Hands suggests that he’s searching for someone who can tolerate him and match his demanding schedule. He sometimes makes “21 edits” of a piece of communications material. He works all week “pretty well solidly. Evenings, days – all the time.” Sometimes he works weekends too. He doesn’t want someone who’s got their own agenda. He does want someone who can ‘get’ his voice and write it down without making him seem boorish. The ideal hire will take risks, seize opportunities and pay attention to detail. They will also appreciate Hands’, “humorous side.” Pay for the position isn’t divulged, but it ought to be generous – according to its last available accounts, Terra Firma paid its 91 employees an average of £390k each for the year ending March 31st 2013.

Separately, what about Morgan Stanley? Following last Friday’s results release, the U.S. bank has earned wide-ranging plaudits. The FT points out that Morgan Stanley’s stock was the best performer during earnings week. Bloomberg points out that Morgan Stanley’s equities business beat Goldman Sachs’ by the widest margin for three years. Reuters highlights that having already cut its risk weighted assets close to its 2015 target of $180bn, Morgan Stanley is in a position to invest in fixed income all over again and wants to push into municipal bonds, credit and securitisation in 2015.

Is Morgan Stanley now a good bet, therefore? Maybe, but it’s not all good news. The Financial Times also notes that Morgan Stanley’s return on equity remains below that of both JPMorgan and Goldman Sachs. And while Goldman Sachs is busy hiring (lots of juniors), Marketwatch emphasizes that Morgan Stanley’s headcount dipped yet again in the past quarter.

Meanwhile:

Banks in London will take no notice of the EBA’s attempt to restrict role-related allowances. The Bank of England is ok with that. (Telegraph) 

The Financial Conduct Authority (FCA) has taken to issuing ‘private warnings’ to UK bankers it takes issue with. These stay on bankers’ regulatory records and render them virtually unemployable. (Financial Times) 

SocGen might build a big new London office in Canary Wharf. (Sunday Times)

JPMorgan is spending $6bn on a new office on the far west side of Manhattan. (Bloomberg)

Goldman Sachs probably won’t join the UK’s new Banking Standards Review Council. There are fears that joining the council and then failing to meet its standards could expose banks to legal action. (Wall Street Journal) 

Credit Suisse’s investment bank now has three co-heads, which seems excessive. It also means that the ratio of investment bankers to private bankers on the bank’s main board is now 2:1, which is good news for anyone hoping Credit Suisse won’t heavily cut its investment bank. (Financial Times) 

UBS banker highlights how things may now go wrong for banks in the fourth quarter. (The Australian) 

Questions you will be asked if you want to be a java developer for an investment bank in India. (GoogleBooks)  

Excessive smiling in a job interview can be detrimental. (Journal of Social Psychology) 

People who brag about themselves both underestimate how much it bugs people, while overestimating how interested people are in the stories they’re telling. (NYMag)