Interesting and humorous - page 46

 

There's a way out of scrap

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A penalty system to educate bassists


Insult to music:

Playing loudly while warming up - $10

Testing the amp by playing slap in a funky style - $25

Loud mouthing after another foul - $10

Playing on the thinnest string above the 12th fret after a faff - $20

Practicing teppin' with both hands in the breaks between songs - $20

Requirement to give 'E' for tuning - $25

Playing 'E' even though the brass section plays 'B flat' - $50

Playing a part written out on a separate sheet of paper - $50

Couldn't play a sheet music part - $75

Signed note names above sheet music - $50

Signed measure numbers above sheet music - $50

Playing eighths $5 each

Playing sixteenths $10 each

Played above the 1st octave - immediate dismissal

Pushed a fast tempo - $75

Drove the ballad tempo - $100

Falling behind in ballad tempo - $200

Ignoring the tempo set by the drummer - $100

Matching clearly with the drummer - $250

Asking to read something off-key - $100



When playing the double bass:

Appeared on stage just before the first strong beat - $25

Process of playing, apart from the notes being extracted, includes other sounds - $25

Turning the instrument around its axis - $25

Slap playing - $150

Not hitting a common accent, then mentioning the advanced age of the instrument - $25

Excessive sweating - $25

Playing long pedals on two strings at the same time during a wind section solo - $50

Asked band leader to play solo - $30

When offered to play a solo, agreed - $50

Singing along to the second chorus $100

Playing a solo with a bow - $400

Pretended to tinker with the instrument after failing to hit a note $100

Playing the "Train" song code in each song - $200

Playing the extended "Train" song code in each song - $500

Playing the electric bass:


Fixing my hair in the pause between songs - $15

Experimented with unequal measures - $25

Failed to hit the tonic at the end of a rapid transition - $25

Playing with a plectrum - $50

Tuning the guitar while playing a ballad - $30

Playing samba to jaco groove rhythm - $75

Playing a ballad to jaco-samba groove - $150

Trying to play anything after the last chord - $50

Playing anything after the last chord - $100

Long glissando to last note - $200

Offending by actions - electric bass:

Forgetting a guitar strap at home - $10

Changing strings after each run - $15

Using an electronic tuner - $15

Plugging in a microphone "just in case" - $75

Forgot to plug in your amp - $40

Using an amplifier bigger than 1 person can carry at 1 time - $50

Asked a trumpet player to help move an amplifier - $25

Brought a master bass - $100 for each string over 4

Brought in more than 1 bass - $100 for each extra bass

Skull stickers on instrument - $150

Brought in a fretless bass - $500

Bad taste with criminal intentions:

Telling the drummer about all the parties he's been to - $10

Telling the drummer about all the parties the drummer has been to - $15

Sitting at the drum kit during breaks - $10

Quoting Poderewski - $25

Playing exercises as scales between songs - $25

Playing exercises as scales during percussion solos - $50

Playing exercises - $150

Starting to say "When I was a guitarist..." - $50

Accidentally informing the director of the cultural house that you are using a phonogram - $100


General dementia:


Wearing an old t-shirt with a picture of Buddy Rich on it - $10

Wearing

a new Whitesnake T-shirt - $20.

Asking when the concert starts - $20.

Constantly asking "where are we?" - $25

Shouting "Yeah!" all the time. - $25

Asked the guitarist when to play - $50

Hearing a flage, trying to answer a mobile phone - $100

 

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I happened to look at a thread on one of the forums discussing the ILAN 1.6 Expert Advisor. I read only one - the very last post. It was enough for me to choke with laughter for a couple of minutes! I decided that the post (in support of the EA) is worthy of this thread:

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K@terina:

Ilan more often than not makes 100% than leaks!
... If we were to monetise funds from demo accounts, this coefficient would be even higher.
Ilan is losing every 2-3 months consistently. Sometimes he drains the deposit right after the start. From observations during this time: the price always comes back. Always. Just not enough money each time to "sit out" the drawdown
.

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P/S - the quote reminds me a lot of the story of the gypsy who trained a horse to do without food. It was quite a bit like that... Just a little bit left to go. But the trouble is, the horse died...

 

I was pleased with my brokerage today. It showed quotes for all the quid pairs up to 2037. I'm wondering what to do about it)

 
how to do what - open up to everything! )))
 
Trade signals and people will start to follow).