Interesting and humorous - page 122
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Men are sitting around drinking beer. Then one of them pulls out
out of his pocket, puts him on the table,
pours him a thimbleful of beer and says:
- "Well, Petrovich, tell the men how you in Africa
you told a sorcerer to go fuck himself...
***
Two mathematicians in a restaurant argue over how well most people know maths. One (the pessimist) asserted that most people don't know mathematics at all, and the other (the optimist) asserted that even if not very much, they do. When the pessimist went to the toilet, the optimist called a pretty blonde waitress and said:
- When my colleague comes back, I'll ask you a question. The subject is not important.
All you have to do is say "Third X cube".
- What do you mean? A third X cube? - the waitress asks back?
- No, Third X Cube, okay?
- Aah! A tertiary stingy? - repeats the waitress.
- Yeah, yeah. That's all I ask of you.
The waitress leaves, chanting the phrase "Tertiary is stingy" like a spell.
Then the pessimist returns. The optimist says, let's ask the waitress what a simple integral equals. The pessimist, laughingly agrees. The optimist calls the waitress and asks:
- Excuse me, do you not remember what the integral of x^2 over dx is?
- One third of x cube... - answers the waitress.
The pessimist is greatly surprised, the optimist laughs merrily. The waitress takes a few steps away, and looking over her shoulder, adds:
- ... Plus constant.
***
Old granny, at the crossroads, head twitching, hands shaking, voice rattling:
- Young man, can you help me cross to the other side?
- Sure, grandma, the light's about to turn green...
- Green! ... I can go to the green light myself!
Three days in Russia.
From the police report:
"Sidorov was detained for the fact that, being in a state of alcoholic intoxication, he followed citizen Petrova for a long time, and admired her beauty in obscene terms".
***
The phrase "I will never forget you" sounds gentle and affectionate.
But "I will remember you" is somehow menacing.
***
Dear girls, to get rid of intrusive street harassment, when asked "What are you doing tonight? "What are you doing tonight?" answer boldly:
- I'm going to the venerologist at three, and then I'm free!
***
A man catches a goldfish and it says to him in a human voice:
- Let me go, please, and I'll grant you three wishes in return!
The man thinks about it, and says:
- One: I want to stop being bothered by alcoholic hallucinations.
Second... Oops, where did you go, goldfish?
***
I liked the saying of the President of Belarus:
- If we're going to have a gay pride parade, it'll be on Airborne Day.
It didn't seem to say no and made me think.
***
If only once these idiot fishermen had been taken off a broken ice floe not by helicopter pilots and sailors, but by snipers, I think there would be no more precedents!