Traders joking, the beginning - page 681

[tim]

[John Seekers]

With the basketball players not being in the Olympic village, it means they're going to miss out on all the sex. Because I don't know if you've heard this but the Olympic committee announced they'll be handing out 350,000 condoms and 175,000 packets of lube. Or as Brazilians call that, "A weekend."

[Mawreen Lawson]

Ordinarily, staring is creepy. But if you spread your attention across many individuals, then it's just people watching.

[John Seekers]

According to a new study, millennials are having significantly less sex than previous generations. I know, like, wait, you're telling me that the people running around trying to catch Pokémon aren't getting [any action]? Shocking! I'm shocked.

[John Seekers]

Apparently, the conditions in Rio are so bad that the U.S. basketball team has opted against staying in the Olympic village dorms, and is instead staying on a cruise ship that they've docked in the harbor. Now, I understand not wanting to stay in the Olympic village, but why would you switch to a cruise ship? You basically traded a diarrhea city for a floating diarrhea city.

[John Seekers]

You know if Trump becomes president, he's definitely going to make his birthday a national holiday, right? "Sorry, Lincoln, you're a loser and you are out."

[tim]

[Mawreen Lawson]

Two traders are walking uptown from Wall Street en route of the subway. A mugger approaches them with a gun and demands all of their money. The one trader turns to the other and says, "Oh, by the way, here's that $100 I owe you..."

[John Seekers]

Trump and his party raised $82 million last month, much of it from small donations, with supporters pitching in $10 to $25 apiece. And they can feel good knowing that every dollar will help Donald Trump reach his ultimate goal — attack ads against Paul Ryan.

[tim]