Traders joking, the beginning - page 623

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As of yesterday, One Direction is officially breaking up. Also officially breaking up: my heart.
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The $1.568 billion jackpot, which is a record, will be split three ways. One winner gets the jackpot on Monday and Wednesday, another gets it Tuesday and Thursday, winner number three has the jackpot on weekends. I think Friday the money goes to Oprah or something.
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I read that there are actually four stars in the universe named after Donald Trump. You believe that? A burning ball of hot air has stars named after him.
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A new scientific report suggests that if only one man and woman were left on Earth, they could repopulate the world. The report concludes with the creepy line "so what do you say, Janice?"
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Oscar nominations were announced today and Sylvester Stallone is up for best supporting actor. Stallone said today that it was an honor to be nominated. Or he said it's an “awkward denominator.”
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Donald Trump tried bringing up polls that showed him winning, and the crowd actually started to boo. Trump was like, "See, even ghosts love me."