Traders joking, the beginning - page 622

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Hillary Clinton said she went to Donald Trump’s wedding but didn’t give him a gift. Trump said, "Just for that, you’re not coming to my next three weddings."

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Tonight, President Obama gave his final State of the Union address, and a lot of people said it had a more optimistic tone. That's right, instead of seeing the glass half-empty, Obama sees the presidency seven-eighths OVER.

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Obama saying he's going to keep it short is like Donald Trump saying, "Enough about me."

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New polls found that Bernie Sanders is now ahead of Hillary Clinton among Democrats in both Iowa and New Hampshire. And even Hillary's lead in national polls is dwindling. I don't want to say Hillary is upset, but this morning she was spotted shouting into a volcano, "You said we had a deal!"

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A man in Portland stole a 2-foot python from a pet store by putting it in his pants. For a while, I was their prime suspect.

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