Humour - page 12
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While you're talking about
While the Belarusian police are trying to "pin something on" the Belarusian tens, in North Korea they shoot the undesirable generals with a mortar.
Nothing will happen to them, you'll see - they'll torture them and let them go.
The Moor has been parroting like a parrot: "Everyone gets paid", and the public gets it.
What's not to be paid?
In the last video address to the nation, the Moor is somehow very tentative in his spellings.
Why are you speculating here? Ask those who are really in the system, for sure all of you will have at least one familiar 3-m-man.
I, a tenth man in the system, confirm that it pays. Everyone and everything. In our thousand, where I am involved in generating the operational report, weekly receipts/payments exceed two million roubles.
That's it. Enough of the offtops. Let's have a little humour.
Sent M. (formerly a mathematician, I guess) on the occasion to the asylum. And there... A fool comes up to him and just wants to greet the newcomer, as M.: "I'm going to differentiate you". The old-timer left immediately. A second fool approaches him, and M. takes his turn: "I'm going to reintegrate you. The second one ran away. At that moment M. realized that he had invented a new method that worked. Inspired by the idea, M. rushed to the third fool: "I'll differentiate you, and then I'll integrate you"... The third, smiling, answers: " Colleague, my name is -- E in Degree X".
MORAL:
-- A fisherman knows a fisherman when he sees one;
-- all geniuses are simple;
-- History repeats itself.
P.S. They say that since then M. has got a new name -- Yemoyo (not to be confused with Yo-mobile).
an old topic, but stumbled across it and was hugged like a baby...
ТЕЛЕСЦЕНАРИЙ "СЛУЖБА СПАСЕНИЯ 911".
Part 1: "Food"
ANNOUNCER: In this programme, we talk about all sorts of horrifying incidents. Today we're going to tell you about two of them that happened on the same day.
MAN: I was on call to 911 when the first call came in that day...
MOTHER: My husband and I often go shopping for groceries in the form of food. We have an entire pantry and basement full of food, but my husband and I decided to go and buy some of the food that has so often saved us from starvation.
FATHER: We left our little daughter alone at home and, leaving her some food so she wouldn't starve, went to the shop across the street.
MOTHER: When we returned, we found the keys to the flat lying at the bottom of the bag, pressed on top of the heavy and delicious food. We were too lazy to get them out, and my husband wouldn't let me cut the bottom of the bag.
FATHER: We would then have had a bottomless bag in which not a single gram of food could be put, and our whole family would have starved to death. I decided to knock on the door with my hand so that my daughter would let us in and we could eat the food.
Daughter: I sat at home and ate the food while my parents went to the shop to get food. I was very scared to be alone and tried to drown out the feeling of fear along with the feeling of hunger. Suddenly there was a knock on the door with my hand. I was afraid it was the hooligans who wanted to eat our private property in the form of food themselves, to rape and kill me, and to burn the house down. I called the emergency services.
DISPATCHER: I was just eating food... Ugh, shit! I picked up the phone. It was a little girl calling. I understood from her conversation that there were burglars knocking on the house, wanting to rape the food and burn her parents or something.
WOMAN: As luck would have it, all the rescuers were on call elsewhere.
REScuers: We were helping a boy, Steve, deliver his hamster.
DISPATCHER: There was no one to count on, because I couldn't go out on my own either - I still had a dried-up manicure. I started blowing on my manicure to make it dry. I told the girl to say in a scary voice that no one was home.
GIRL: I put more food in my mouth and said loudly: "There's nobody home!"
MOTHER: I heard a stranger's voice say there was no one home, and I fainted in hunger.
FATHER: I knew at once that someone alien had got into our house and was robbing it, raping our daughter.
MOTHER: I always told you not to leave the house for a minute! There should be so much food in the house that we never go out for food at all! Husband called the emergency services.
DISPATCHER: 911 emergency services! The frightened parents called, unable to get into their home and reunite with their daughter due to the presence of a gluttonous rapist in the house. I continued to supervise these two cases over the phone, blowing on my manicure.
FATHER: The dispatcher advised me to kick in the door with my shoulder.
DISPATCHER: I was blowing on a manicure when the girl called again. It was like she had her mouth full, or maybe she was just worried. The girl said the burglar was currently breaking down the door with her shoulder.
GIRL: I was really worried, or maybe I was just stuffed in the mouth when the dispatcher advised me to fire a gun at the door. I took my dad's biggest gun and fired it at the door.
FATHER: We barely had time to bounce when this maniac fired a grenade launcher at the door.
DISPATCHER: A man called again on the second incident. He said the burglar was firing a rocket-propelled grenade at the door. I calmed him down and advised him to set fire to the house because apparently his daughter was already finished. I was very worried about them all and started blowing manicures even harder.
MOTHER: I doused the house with petrol, my husband put napalm on the doors and we set fire to the house.
DISPATCHER: Blowing on my manicure made me think of the poor girl locked up at home. What if thieves set the house on fire? So I called her.
GIRL: The dispatcher advised me to get in the basement in case burglars set the house on fire. I love playing in the basement - there's so much food! As soon as I got in there, our house caught fire.
FATHER: When all that was left of the house was just heads, we were lucky to find a cellar filled with delicious food and our daughter alive. After a fire like that, there was no use looking for the maniac's remains.
WITNESS: For catching and eliminating the dangerous maniac, the heroic family was rewarded with a prize from the city police department, with which they built a new house and bought lots of tasty food.
SAVINGS: And the hamster did die, though.
DISPATCHER: And I blew all the nail polish off my damn nails! What a day!