Humour - page 186
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Lieutenant Rzhevsky at the ball:
- Madam, I do not have the honour of being introduced to you, but nevertheless I dare concern you with the question, "Are you not interested in giving yourself away?"
***
The boy, who had decided to become a programmer, had been tinkering with a glitchy computer for a week. His mother was tinkering in the kitchen. It was not very clear why she had suddenly started cooking wonderfully and deliciously. He did not know that three days ago she had overheard a scrap of his conversation with his friend: -.... "My memory is good. I'm having trouble eating. At first I blamed it on my "mother" and was going to get rid of it, but I will let it stay as it is. But the power supply, as it turns out, sucks. I'll see what I can do."
***
- How do you feel about structured carbon?
- You've had enough of the intellectual squeeze! Go to hell with your carbon!
- OK, got it. Diamond ring, then, to the baths...
***
A prisoner writes a letter to his wife:
- Thanks for the pie file, now I've got the best-groomed nails in the cell.
***
Sometimes people call me on my phone and say, "Well, can I finally unload the cement?" And since I'm kind by nature, I say, "unload it."
***
So you don't have to choose which foot to stand on in the morning, just fall out of bed.
- Like our power. A little bit afraid, a little bit in love, a little bit wanting another one.
- Honey, I love you. If you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you cry, send me your tears. If you laugh, send me your smile.
In reply:
- Honey, I'm pooping right now. What can I send you?
"This is where you need to look! And listen to what I'm saying!"
"When the cameras are rolling, you want to look good, but your head's off.""Kick his ass around the corner so he can tell his brother we say hello."
"I'll put my shiv in the wall and go to bed."
"Honestly, when I saw those ribbons, I thought it was some kind of anti-AIDS campaign. To be honest, when I saw those ribbons I thought it was some kind of AIDS rally.
"Say hello to your president! Turns out to be a very powerful man! He raped ten women! I never expected from him! He surprised us all! We're all jealous of him!" (about Israeli President Moshe Katsav).
"We will chase terrorists everywhere. If we catch them in the toilets, we'll piss them in the toilets too."
"From a dead donkey's ear, not the Pytalovsky district!"
"We're not picking the price of gas out of our noses."
"If Grandma had certain sex characteristics, she'd be Grandpa."
"If you're ready... to get yourself circumcised, I invite you to Moscow. I'll recommend the operation so that you won't grow anything."
"The state holds a baton with which it strikes only once. But on the head."
"Russia can rise from its knees and get a good kicking"
"They should hang, I guess."
"You'll be sick of swallowing dust"
"I don't know who draws what on their balls, I haven't seen it"
"Our liberal intelligentsia will have to shave off their beards."
"They picked everything out of their nose and smeared it all over their papers"
"They go back and forth in huge numbers and nothing happens."
"What can a man without a residence permit say about Tchaikovsky's music?" (about democracy in Russia)
"The court gave them a twofer. They wanted it, they got it".
"Look into my eyes: no one's going to get a bump! Do you hear me?! I'm telling you!"
"After Mahatma Gandhi died, there's nobody to talk to..."Me: Hello, Auntie Svet!
She: Oh, shit, who's there!?
Men's logic is the exact opposite of women's.
Women's logic: if you can't, but really want to, you can.
Men's: if you have to, but don't want to, you don't have to.
***
Porn studios have the most boring and mundane corporations.
Tarn the grass with the hares at midnight
Japan Central Commodity Exchange
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Type Commodity Exchange
Location Nagoya, Japan
Year Established October 1, 1996
Key Persons Susumu Kuroiwa, President and CEO
Currency Japanese Yen
Website www.c-com.or.jp
The Central Japan Commodity Exchange (C-COM) is a futures exchange based in Nagoya, Japan.
The exchange was founded on 1 October, 1996 by merging the Toyohashi Dry Cocoon Exchange and two bourses of Nagoya: the Nagoya Grain and Sugar Exchange and the Nagoya Textile Exchange. All three exchanges were located in Aichi Prefecture in Central Japan.
The Osaka Mercantile Exchange joined C-COM on January 1, 2007.
The exchange trades in six sessions, each of which is held at a certain time of day. The exchange commodities are:
Eggs - cash;
Diesel fuel - JIS K2204 Class 1 or 2 (depending on the contract per month), physical delivery is possible;
Gasoline - JIS K2202 class 2, for physical delivery;
Metals (introduced 11 October 2005) - Shindachi of various grades, for physical delivery;
Paraffin - JIS K2203 1st Class, physical delivery
Aluminium
Nickel
Rubber
Rubber indices.
... and other Kalamburgers.