[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 529
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- Didn't you watch TV last night?
- No, why?
- There was this movie about ancient Rome. And one patrician says to the other, "See you at the forum tomorrow." It made me cringe.
***
I'm consulting with different firms about a septic tank for a summer house (sewage, utilities). I get an e-mail reply from a reputable company:
Is there a lot of shit planned? How many people are going to shit in the house? That's it! No clever phrases about filtration, bio-bacteria, expanded clay and so on. All in Russian - plain and simple. You can feel the manager's knowledge and personal interest in the client! I trust them to do the toilet.
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Well how do you prove to your wife that the entry in your phone "Eugenia anal." is not what she thinks it is at all, but an employee of the analytical department.
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The sex-change operation was a failure. I am extremely outraged!!!
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Are you in a bad mood? Try saying it without smiling: "Misha bear, bear! Teach me how to fart!"
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- Tell us, how did your wife go crazy?
- We travelled in the mountains, where there is a beautiful echo. But my wife is used to always having the last word.
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Bank. Credit department:
- I need a loan.
- For what purpose?
- I want to open a gay club.
- And who will go there?
- All kinds of faggots - Vasya, Petya will come, the ones who burn my lift buttons all the time, football referees will come...
- I'm sorry, but we have to deny you the loan.
- Oh, and you're coming.
***
In the operating room, the patient asks:
- Doctor, after removing the appendix, will I be able to play the violin?
- Of course you can!
- Well, what a curious operation! I've never played the violin, and now I will!
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- Honey, why don't we get some tea?
- Honey, you made five mistakes in the word "beer".
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GDP has been given a patriotic mobile with GLONASS. The tech process is 90nm.
Now our national leader can justifiably say to Jobs' victim: Mine is fatter!!!