Traders joking, the beginning - page 374

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President Obama was touring New York sites in need of repair. He wants to spend money on our infrastructure. For example, the port authority needs fixing. And the Tappan Zee Bridge, where the renovation is already finishing up way ahead of schedule — like Obama's second term.
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How Much Is A Billion?

The next time you hear a politician use the word "billion" casually think about whether you do, or don't, want that politician spending your tax money!!

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but an advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure in perspective in one of its releases:

A billion seconds ago, it was 1959.

A billion minutes ago, Jesus was alive.

A billion hours ago, our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

And....

A billion dollars ago, was only 8 hours and 20 minutes at the rate Washington spends

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hello everyone

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A Nevada brothel won approval for the first prostitute to start working. In related news, state officials project that within a week they’ll have the lowest male unemployment rate in the U.S.

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New Sexually Transmitted Disease Warning

Worse than SARS and Bird Flu combined, The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease. The disease is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim and pronounced "gonna re-elect him." Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for the past four years. Cognitive characteristics of individuals infected include: anti-social personality disorders, delusions of grandeur with messianic overtones, extreme cognitive dissonance, inability to incorporate new information, pronounced xenophobia and paranoia, inability to accept responsibility for own actions, cowardice masked by misplaced bravado, uncontrolled facial smirking, ignorance of geography and history, tendencies towards evangelical theocracy, categorical all-or-nothing behavior. Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive disease originated only a few years ago from a bush found in Texas.

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A new report found that the average life expectancy for women in the U.S. is 81, while the average life expectancy for men is 76. Or as both husbands and wives put it, “Good.”
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Ben & Jerry's Bush Ice Cream Flavors

Ben & Jerry created "Yes Pecan!" ice cream flavor for Obama. They then asked people to fill in the blank for the following:

For George W. they created "_________".

Here are some of their favorite responses:

- Grape Depression

- Abu Grape

- Cluster Fudge

- Nut’n Accomplished

- Iraqi Road

- Chock ‘n Awe

- WireTapioca

- Impeach Cobbler

- Impeach Mint

- Heck of a Job, Brownie!

- Chunky Monkey in Chief

- George Bush Doesn’t Care About Dark Chocolate

- WMDelicious

- Guantanmallow

- Neocon Politan

- RockyRoad to Fascism

- The Reese’s-cession

- Cookie D’oh!

- Housing Crunch

- Nougalar Proliferation

- Death by Chocolate… and Torture

- Freedom Vanilla Ice Cream

- Chocolate Chip On My Shoulder

- “You’re Shitting In My Mouth And Calling It A” Sundae

- Credit Crunch

- Mission Pecanplished

- Good Riddance You Lousy Motherf**ker… Swirl

- Country Pumpkin

- Chocolate Chimp

- Bloody Sundae

- Caramel Preemptive Stripe

- I broke the law and am responsible for the deaths of thousands…with nuts