Traders joking, the beginning - page 375

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This week the FCC rolled out a new service that lets people text 911 for help. That'll mean if you're driving and you see an accident, you can cause another accident.
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Plastic Surgery Miracles

Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

One of them said, "I'm the best plastic surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in 5 field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's president of the United States."

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A high school girl has invited Joe Biden to be her prom date. Isn't that nice? However, her father is refusing to let her go with a guy who can't really describe what he does for a living.
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" Mich Joseph Lizak • an hour ago

I remember reading something Soros said to the effect of "if I sell all my stocks something big is getting ready to happen" something to that affect. So I guess we wait and see????????????????"

"While foreign investment in the U.S. has sharply declined since March, Belgium has quickly become the third largest buyer of Treasury bonds, just behind China and Japan, purchasing more than $200 billion in securities in the past five months, adding to a total stash of around $340 billion. This development is rather bewildering, primarily because Belgium’s GDP as of 2012 was a miniscule $483 billion, meaning, Belgium has spent nearly the entirety of its yearly GDP on our debt." - this should bring smile on your faces!

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Three Brazilian Soldiers

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

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A Russian businessman has been ordered to pay his wife $4.5 billion in what is being called the world’s most expensive divorce. Then L.A. Clippers owner Donald Sterling said, “Stay tuned.”