Traders joking, the beginning - page 286

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It seems like everyone's still pretty upset about this Obamacare website. The Department of Health and Human Services emailed 275,000 Americans, encouraging them to give the Obamacare website another try. Then they said 'But one at a time, so it doesn't crash again.

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On Monday, President Obama paid tribute to America's oldest living veteran, 107-year-old Richard Overton. Overton credits his longevity to drinking whiskey and smoking 12 cigars every day. Now there's a health plan we can all get behind.

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New Element Discovered

Scientists have recently confirmed the existence of a new element which is being added to the periodic table. It is the heaviest element ever discovered and will be known as Obamanium.

Obamanium has a single neutron, 1 Vice-neutron, 44 Czarons, 100 Senatrons, and

435 Reprons, giving it an Atomic mass of 595, since the vice-neutron has no weight. Party-cles have either a positive or negative charge, depending on the electrons in their vicinity. The negatively charged protons, called morons, are recognized by the "-D" suffix and are supported by legions of lepton-like particles known as peons. Obamanium should not be confused with Olbermanium which is merely a fictional inert gas.

Obamanium was created by exposing huge numbers of electrons to a radical compound (composed of one atom each of: Magnesium Sulfer, Nitrogen, Boron, and Carbon) known as MSNBC. Initially, it seemed to appear out of thin air by simply exposing electrons to MSNBC for more than 5 minutes. However, it has now been confirmed that it happens by the fusion of atoms of Californium 98, Nobelium 102, Berkelium 97, Americium 95, Europium 63, Francium 87, Germanium 32, and Scandium 21 under high pressure from free radicals.

Since Obamanium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can still be detected as it impedes any reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Obamanium causes one reaction to take over four months to complete when it would normally take less than a second.

When exposed to light, Obamanium draws morons to its surface, which attracts

isodopes of Berkelium. This causes superficial changes in appearance and disguises the true character of Obamanium. The element has a normal half-life of 4 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, if left unimpeded, Obamanium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each re-organization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Obamanium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as “Critical Morass.”

Prolonged exposure to Obamanium is known to cause people to suffer from ADD (Accelerated Deficit Disorder) and to gradually feel warmer for no particular reason.

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The U.S. intelligence community is hoping to update their facial recognition technology.

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It seems that during his re-election campaign this year, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie paid $46,000 to get advice from former strategists for Mitt Romney. The advice he got: 'If you ever want to be president, don't listen to us.

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