What you need to know about life on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday? - MQL4 and MetaTrader 4

sergeyas 2012.08.05 14:35 #551

A 20-something student was hit by a bus to his death. Woke up in the other world. In the chair opposite, he saw someone who looked human but glowed with infrared light. - Where am I? You're in hell, son. But don't be afraid in advance, it's actually much better than they describe out there on earth. Have you ever smoked in your life? The student casts his eyes down: - Yes, I have... - So, Mondays will be a holiday for you. It's smoking day. The choice is huge, from pipes and tobacco to expensive cigars and hookahs. We smoke all day Monday, late into the night. I don't care about asthma or cancer - you're already dead! Did you like to drink? The student puts his head down: - Not without that... - Ooh! Then get ready for Tuesday night! We drink the whole day, from the morning, from beer and light wines to the strongest drinks: moonshine and alcohol. And don't give a damn about your liver: you're already dead! What about drugs? The student blushes: Yes, I have! - Well, have fun on Wednesdays! It's drug day, from light drugs to heroin to heavy synthetics. If you want to do it, smoke it, and don't worry about withdrawal, overdose or cops, you're already dead! What about women? Then you'll have a blast on Thursdays. It's a sex day. The thing is, there are 10 times as many women as men in hell, and you'll have super choice! And don't even think about the syphilis thing. You're already dead. Weren't you gay? The student is flinching: - No, he wasn't! - Yes, he was... Fridays will be hell for you then!

[100 pips a day] I'll give you money Pair trading and multicurrency

sergeyas 2012.08.05 15:06 #552

Bowling is a dangerous game... You get drunk with full confidence that you are playing a sport.

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A guy once went to the countryside, got drunk with some friends. There was an apiary nearby. They wanted some honey. So they went there. They shook those hives, of course, bees flew out, the dog barked, the watchman whistled somewhere in the distance. Of course, they ran away. And one of them took a hive with him. He ran and ran, and the dog followed him. He couldn't keep up. He is kicking it, but it is still there. In the morning they woke up and remembered what happened yesterday. They laugh, remember about the apiary. And this one says: And I still took one hive!!!? Where? I left it there on the road. They come to that place: And there? A hut, with a dog tied to it on a chain.

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Sell cheap fishing tackle, clothes, a boat with a motor. If a man's voice comes up, say that the wrong number.

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The wife sends her husband, a computer programmer, to the shop. She says: -Buy a stick of sausage. Ask if there are any eggs. If there are, buy a dozen. In the shop: -Give me a stick of sausage. Do you have eggs? -Yes. -Give me nine more sticks of sausage.

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A man caught a goldfish: - So I want a small factory, a house and a car. Fish: - Ok, but choose - on credit or on lease. Man: - Ok, choose - on butter or vegetable oil?

[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour The St Petersburg phenomenon. Interesting and Humour

Vladimir Gomonov 2012.08.05 16:01 #553

More and more Robin Hoods are appearing in Russia. They take summonses from the rich and give them to the poor.

Satan comes to God and says to him: - Please take one sinner away from me. By golly, I can't go on with him! Imagine, he's killed all the demons, devils, etc., climbed up on my throne and shouted: "Where's the next level?!"

Alexander Sergeyevich Pushkin teaches us with his whole life that in Russia a talented man should know how to shoot.

There is a cry in the asylum:
- I am a messenger of God!
From the other side in reply:
- I didn't send anyone!

- Is there something going on in your life right now?
- Yes...
- What?
- I've got pasta boiling.
- Seriously, though?
- Do you think there's any point in lying about the pasta?

Wife walks up to her husband at the computer:
- Let me play.
- Have a conscience, darling, take after me. Have I ever asked you for a rag when you're mopping the floors?

A little old lady was walking down the street carrying two plastic rubbish bags. One of them had a hole in it and periodically $20 notes fell out onto the road. A policeman noticed this and stopped her: "Ma'am, you've got 20s falling out of the bag! " "Shit! " said the little old lady, "I better go back and collect what fell out. Thanks for telling me! " "Not so fast," said the policeman, "Where did you get that money? Did you steal it? " "Oh no," said the little old lady, "You see, my backyard is just outside the football stadium car park. After the match a bunch of fans go into the bushes to take a piss and do it right in my flower beds! And I guard behind the bushes with big garden shears and every time someone sticks their thing in the rose bushes, I say, '20 quid or I'll cut it off! ". "Hmm! Good idea! " laughed the policeman, "All right, you can go. By the way, what's in the other bag? " "You see," said the little old lady, "not everybody pays"

One thing I've noticed is that coffee wakes you up, lifts your mood, improves your muscle tone, but it doesn't help you get off the internet at all...

- Yesterday I texted my friends: "Can't find my phone, call me on it. Thanks." Almost all of them called back. From which I deduced that my friends aren't the smartest.
- Did you find your phone?!
- This confirms my theory...

- Who's more satisfied: the man with six kids or the man with six million dollars?
- The one with six kids!
- Why?
- The one with six million, he wants more!

A man knocks on the door of paradise. A sleepy angel comes out:
- Man, what do you want?
- What do you want?! I want to go to heaven!
- What good have you done in life to ask to go to heaven?
- ... I have. I saw some hooligans taking a woman's purse. I went up to the biggest one and punched him in the face.
- You did good, man! Kudos! When was that?
The man looks at his watch:
- About two minutes ago.

- How was your weekend?
- She didn't! She wouldn't even let me. She said: "Forget you even had one!"
With those words, she turned off my computer and dragged me to bed.

The Minister of Education passed all the USEs, the Minister of Health stood in line at the polyclinic, and only then the pensioner Klavdia Vasilyevna let the goldfish go.

- Hello, is this number 777-77-77?
- Yes.
- That's funny!

At school they scold our generation because we stopped thinking with our heads and don't want to study because of computers and calculators. I always tell them, it's because your generation wanted to learn, thought with their
and gave us calculators and computers.

"I'll give you a condom, give it to your parents and tell them not to do it again."

What do people do when their lights go out? That's right, run to the window to see which other houses have had their power cut!

Hello! - Hello! What are you doing? - I'm working out. - What's that for? - It's good for your health and your figure. - Give me the link, I'll download it too.

Yogurt expiration means the bifidobacteria have taken the evil side.

The owner of an orange plantation sees a bearded Jew sitting on one of his trees eating oranges. He shouts sternly to him from below:
- Haven't you read the Bible?! It says: Thou shalt not steal!
Rabinovitch from the tree:
- What a beautiful country Israel is! You are sitting in a tree, eating oranges, and they quote the Bible to you!

- Ghbdtn? Rfr ltkf^
- What's that?
- Podskazhi, kakuju kodirovku vybrat, chtob russkij normal no otobrajalsa?
- Who are you, where are you from?
- Nifiga ne chitaetsja chto ty napisal. Na vsjakij sluchaj - idi sam na huj.

After studying the aurora borealis, scientists have come to the conclusion that it's beautiful.

A prisoner escapes from the prison where he has spent the last 15 years. He is running along the road and suddenly notices a cottage on the outskirts. He breaks into it and catches a young married couple in the bedroom. Grabs the husband, ties him to the

to the chair, ties his wife to the bed, climbs on top of her, kisses her on the neck and goes to the bathroom. While he's gone, the husband tells his wife: - Look, this guy is an escaped convict, he's probably spent a lot of time in jail. He probably hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him kiss your neck. If he wants sex don't fight it, just do what he tells you, give him pleasure. This dude is dangerous, if he gets mad, he could kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you. Wife says: - He didn't kiss my neck. He whispered in my ear that over the years in prison he liked boys better and that you were very sexy. And he asked me where we kept the Vaseline. And I said in the bathroom. So be strong darling. I love you.

[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour Trading System by Xard777 Traders joking, the beginning