[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 827
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Shy guy.
Sash, here's the thing. My wife bought me a laptop. Well, she needs it for work.
Give her a hand, will you? She'll be here at six o'clock. Set it up. Install some software. You know, whatever she says. Can you help?
- All right, Vyacheslav Sergeyevich.
Sanya is young, reliable and very responsible. The only flaw is that he's terribly shy. He blushes even when Zinaida Vasilyevna, our accountant, shouts to the whole office:
- Sancho! Where are you? Come and give me one! I don't have any ladies' strength anymore!
She inserts a USB stick, on which she carries all the company's financial secrets.
The location of the USV socket on the system unit is incompatible with Zinaida Vasilievna's plump form. Sasha's attempt once to adapt an extension cord for this purpose ended in a shout: "Sancho, it won't fit! I'm afraid! Sweetheart, you do it yourself! You do it yourself! You do it yourself!"
In the evening Sveta, the general's wife, arrived. A gorgeous blonde and far from stupid.
Image studio and beauty salon in the middle of nowhere. She gave Sasha her laptop.
Asked her to install, in addition to the standard ones, some programmes for either hair or make-up. Said I wanted to give my girls a seminar on the new technology tomorrow. Of course he did. Checked it seven times.
As a finishing touch, he put his beloved cat Chip's sly face close-up on the desktop. Think of it as a business card.
The general called - how are you?
- All finished, Vyacheslav Sergeyevich.
- Well done. Leave the laptop on the table, Sveta will come and get it. And you can rest until lunchtime.
In the morning Grisha, sales manager, petty crook, and big connoisseur of IT technologies from the Igromania magazine, sees a brand new laptop on Sanya's desk.
- Wow! Sanchez got himself a laptop! He's so quiet. Wow! What a cool machine! Well, Sanya! All right. We'll get you...
Five minutes later, instead of a cat, there's a diagonal view of a huge man's penis in high resolution and quality.
In another half an hour, in front of Grisha's astonished eyes, the laptop leaves the office on the high heels of Svetlana Nikolayevna.
In the evening the telephone rings on Sasha's desk.
- Hello, Sasha? It's Svetlana. I wanted to say - thank you very much!
Sanya is embarrassed and blushes.
- You're welcome, Svetlana Nikolayevna. I am always glad, if anything.
- Sasha, I also wanted to ask you: there's a picture on your desktop...
- Didn't like it, huh? - Sanya gets upset.
- What are you! The girls were just delighted! When I turned it on, they squealed.
They asked me to find out whose object was in the picture.
- It's mine. - Sanya gets even more embarrassed and adds. - His name is Chip.
- Sasha, my girls asked Chip's master to organize a seminar with them. Computer literacy, for example. Do you mind?
- Yes, I'd love to. If Vyacheslav Sergeyevich permits.
- He will, don't worry! I'll ask, he'll allow it. Next week, right?
- Oh, I have to... I've got to get ready.
- You'll be all right. Just make sure you bring Chip with you...
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1. If you don't have much money left, play for everything. That's the only way to win.2. Get nervous before a trade - the trader's palms should be sweaty.
3. Add to a losing position, double it - a win-win tactic.
4. If the price comes close to StopLose, move it to a safe distance.
5. If you incurred a loss, you need to take revenge on the market - get it back today.
6. Don't write anything down, you can remember everything, it's a waste of time.
7. Trade against the trend, every trend has a correction.
8. If you want to make a trade and there are no signals, go ahead! It would only take a desire.
9. Don't make plans and don't analyse - shoot from the hip.
10. Don't understand what's going on in the market - get involved in trading.