[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 775
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From the life of a flea: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSicuk2q8Is&feature=player_embedded
short video.
Sorry if this has already happened:
>those who serve, those who served, those who "dodged the call",
who'll do the service, who'll do the service... fuck off,
and the military with a long service record, and the white-trash even.
And some pe....st, who is also a celebrator!
They think we should congratulate the boys from kindergarten, too!
In general, anyone can celebrate: you have eggs - and the holiday is yours!
****
Walked into a supermarket, bought Orbit gum. At the checkout counter:
- Do you need a bag?
- Better give me three, I'm afraid one's gonna rip.
****
-Hang up your jacket, please.
-I won't. You don't have a loop.
-Well, at least by the hood!
-No, I won't. You don't have a loop!
-But the show's about to start. -No, it's not.
-It won't. There are actors sitting over there, all sewing buttonholes.
****
- You look pale, what's wrong?
- My wife's been dreaming about meeting Putin for a week.
- So?
- Yesterday I yelled at her, told her to stop these meetings.
- Well?
- I had a dream tonight about an FSB colonel hinting that I should stay out of it.
****
- Tanya, make me an omelette...
- You're all dirty, that's all you want!
- You're thinking right, but you could starve to death...
****
Class is in session. The teacher:
- Vova, tell us who is the chairman of the United Nations?
- Chai Masturban!
- Who?!?!
- Ugh, fuck! I can't remember!!! Coffee Anan, Mary Ivanna!!!
****
Two new Russians met:
- Take my bum for a job.
- No problem - he will come to the office for an hour on the computer to play, and I will pay him 3 kozel green.
- No, well that's no good, I want him to work!
- Okay, let him come for half a day, learn the news, drink coffee and I will pay him 2 kozel green.
- NO! I need him to work 10 hours a day and make like 200 quid.
- I'm sorry, brother, I can't. You need a college degree for that...
******
It's hit me - go for it.
And wild to me - come to me.
Crippled - while being cured.
We're married - we're on speaking terms.
You're a foal - you're a child.
Unspeakable things - carrying different things.
He's got to - his wife will get him.
He's got to wait, he's got to give.