[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 762
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I hereby bid farewell.
Why are you provoking arguments about politics in the humour section? Wouldn't you rather go to the smoking room?
Eh... Sir, do not be ashamed)) at the beginning of 2010 they wanted to give Gaddafi the UN Human Rights Prize.
Colonel Gaddafi at the very least.
- People, hey, is anyone there?
After a while a man emerges from the fog.
- Can you please tell me where we are?
The man looks long and thoughtfully at Holmes, Watson and the balloon, and finally answers:
- In the basket.
And moves away again into the fog.
- Tell me, Holmes, who could it be?
- Judging by the accuracy and futility of the answer - probably a programmer...
He presses "1", "2" and frantically searches for Enter.
You know how a programmer rides the lift to the 12th floor?
He presses "1", "2" and frantically searches for Enter.
It's not just programmers anymore.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1adWhSaj_44&feature=player_embedded#!
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson fly in a balloon in a dense fog, then land in an unknown area. There is also a dense fog on the ground. Holmes and Watson begin to shout:
- People, hey, is anyone there?
After a while, a man appears out of the fog.
- Can you please tell us where we are?
The man takes a long, thoughtful look at Holmes, Watson and the balloon and finally answers:
- In the basket.
And goes away again into the fog.
- Tell me, Holmes, who could it be?
- Judging by the accuracy and futility of the answer - probably, the programmer...
The other day she said in front of the guests: "You never knew what a cow looked like until you met me!
Amen!
The investigator of the district prosecutor's office, questioning five recidivist burglars who had been taken to hospital with injuries of varying degrees of severity, was quite surprised by what he saw.
- Who did this to you, citizen burglars?
- You wouldn't believe it, Warden, they wanted a priest, a priest for a hit.
- Well?
- Well, well! We caught him, so...
- Well?
- Come on, it's all nonsense, nonsense!
- Well?
- So we nailed him in the alley.
- Well?
- Ugh, you wolf of a prosecutor!
- But-but-but-but.
- Anyway, I said, "Drop the golden cross, you saint.
- Well?
- Bend! He says, he says it's not peace, he says I've brought you a sword...
- And then what?
- Then he said, "Amen.
- Well?
- Well, well! After Amen, no one remembers shit!
- Well, well...
The State Inspectorate of Small Boats (GIMS) is the water analogue of the traffic cops, they just went off the chain last Saturday-Sunday, apparently they also need to get the kids ready for school. They checked everyone who was on the river, and fined for the slightest discrepancy with the regulations. They started checking the boat, and as luck would have it, the man had everything - first-aid kit, documents, ID card, number plate, life vest...
And then it dawned on him: "Got a whistle?!" (Life jacket by the rules comes with a whistle). The man stands still, inspectors light up with joy. And suddenly...
- HEAVEN!!! There is a whistle!!!!
The fisherman was apparently also a hunter, dashes into some belongings in the boat and pulls out a decoy that quacks on a duck...
The fisherman was apparently a hunter and rushed out of the boat and pulled out some belongings and a flute, which sounded like a penny apiece.