Traders joking, the beginning - page 633

[seekers]

An exact replica of the Titanic is scheduled to set sail in 2018. The good news is by 2018, there will be no icebergs left to sink it.

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[seekers]

Hillary Clinton recently said it's a “low blow” for Bernie Sanders to criticize her for not being progressive enough. And if you want to know more about that story, do NOT Google “Clinton low blow.” Save yourself.

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[seekers]

It's been reported that infamous drug lord El Chapo will stand trial in Brooklyn. Though I'm not sure it's a good idea to try him in a place that already has, like, five tunnels.

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[seekers]

It's been a rough week for Hillary, after Bernie Sanders won the New Hampshire primary by more than 20 points. Bernie said he's always liked New Hampshire, especially cuz he was around when it was still Old Hampshire.

[seekers]

In his victory speech after the New Hampshire primary, Donald Trump claimed the unemployment rate might actually be as high as 42 percent. He might be right, because Hillary just fired her entire campaign staff.

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[seekers]

Americans spent $681 million on Valentine's Day gifts for their pets this year. This is, by the way, how we know we have too much money: when we're spending $681 million on a Valentine that doesn't see any difference between chocolate and poop.