[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 731

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ULAD:
Denis, I don't go to work. But it's not a rock. I just play poker on the side.
That's weird. It's a way to make a living, too, and you can't blame me.
 
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Classmates were "treated" to gifts from DEMOTIVATORS.RU

 
 
The picture in the burqa is funny. I'm reminded of a joke - a policeman stops a car and laughs. The driver said, 'What did I do? He shook his hand and said that he had stopped the driver to share his findings. Look, he said that he took away a Georgian's licence. The man looked and there was a full-length 3x4 photo of a Georgian in the license :)))
 
 
drknn:


Fucking hell, they're out of their fucking minds.... Already in the textbooks, too, propaganda for use..... Isn't there enough on TV?
 

The blonde comes running to the doctor:
- Doctor, help me! I've been stung by a bumblebee!
- That's all right, we'll put some ointment on it.
- But how will you catch it? The bumblebee must have flown away by now!
- No, I'll put ointment on the place where it bit you.
- Ah, it was in the park, on a bench, under a tree.
Doctor, rolling his eyes:
- No, I'll anoint the part of your body where the bumblebee bit you and it'll go away.
- You should have said so, Doctor! A bumblebee stung my finger.
- Which one?
- How should I know? All bumblebees look the same to me.

***

Anything a woman has forgiven you, she's bound to remind you of someday...

***

- Oh, Lenka, you've lost so much weight! I didn't even recognize you, diet?
- Yes, carrots, potatoes and beets...
- How did you cook?
- Digging.

***

It's 3:30 in the morning. Suddenly, the neighbour downstairs bangs on the door! Honestly, I was so freaked out, I almost fell off my stool.

 
 
 

- Pash, listen - your last name is Black, right?
- Yeah, well...
- Name your son Cloak. You know, at school, "Blackcoat, to the blackboard! ".

***

The sysadmin always thought he was king of the network... until the electrician came along...

***

Two mates meet, one's got a black eye. - "What happened?" - "I had a fight with Petrov." - "But you're stronger than Petrov, you could have punched him!" - "Yeah, but he had a knife in his hand..." - "And you?" - "I had Petrov's wife's breast in my hand... It's nice, but it's useless in a fight!!!"

***

- Yesterday, our boss held an office championship in spider and gossamer...
- And what were the prizes?
- The three winners got kicked out of work.

***

The foreman gives the painters two cans of paint and the job is to paint a wall.
Lunchtime. The men are too lazy to work and want a drink. They decide to drink one can. To get away, they smear paint on the face of a horse standing nearby.
The foreman arrives at the end of the day: everybody's drunk and the wall is unpainted.
- Why wasn't it finished?
- There wasn't enough paint.
- I even gave you extra for the fence.
- So the horse drank, he's standing there with paint all over his face.
- He's still alive, the bastard ate a pallet of bricks a week ago.

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