[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 589
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Vancouver. The Olympics are coming up. A mother and her 7-year-old daughter are talking. The daughter grew up in Canada and speaks fluent Russian and English, which cannot be said of her mother ;). The conversation is in Russian.
Mum: "Daughter, what is the name of that thing in which they are carrying the Olympic flame? "
Daughter: "It's called a torch."
Mum: "It's a weird name... : )"
Daughter: "What's it called in Russian? "
Mum: "Torch."
Daughter: "Also a strange name... "
***
Grandma and Grandpa loved to play hide and seek.
Grandma would hide the moonshine in the morning...
And in the evening if Grandpa found it, Grandma would hide it.
How revolutions are made
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A second before " ... .... ...fuck!"
Author: Columbine
In 1718 Peter the Great issued a decree on assemblies.
Decree on the dignity of guests attending assemblies
A guest must be made a visitor before the appearance of the multitude:
- washed diligently without omission;
- shaved carefully, so that the ladies' delicacies may not be harmed by the filthy bristles;
- half hungry and very little drunk.
When thou comest, make thyself acquainted beforehand with the arrangement of the house,
especially note the position of the lavatories. And put the information in that part of the mind which
that is less subject to guilt than the rest.
Consume your food in moderation, lest your belly get in the way of dancing.
If your legs should refuse, drink in a sitting position. Do not give it to a man who is lying down.
to a man who is lying down, lest he be drowned, even if he asked for it. And glory to the one who drowns, for...
this death has been honourable in Russia since the dawn of time.
If you don't know the measure, rely on your wife: she has more than the tsar's guards
has more vigilance than the tsar's. The drunken men must be stacked carefully so that they will not be damaged and will not interfere with the dancing.
Stack them separately, respecting the floor, or there will be no embarrassment upon awakening.
If you smell trouble, do not panic, but go quickly to the place mentioned, and on the way -
and use all your strength to fortify the belly that betrayed you.
of thy villainous belly.
Being without a wife, or God forbid, single, do not look upon a woman's charms with
with open covetousness, but stealthily - they notice it, too - do not doubt it. Thus
and in this way thou shalt not be a cheeky man.
But with your hands, beware, and only if you get a clear sign that it is allowed.
or thou wilt wear thy embarrassment on thy face for a long time.
There is no fun in Russia without a song, but it begins on the sign of the host. Don't get too excited
and listen to your neighbour, you'll be like the donkey of Balaam when you roar alone;
but with your music and your sweet voice you'll win many a guest's praise.
Remember, a lady's heart is malleable to music.
AN EDICT ON SUBORDINATES:
The subordinate, before his superior, must look dashing and foolish,
so as not to embarrass his superiors... Decree of Peter I of 09.12.1709
FOR ARMEN, don't think of it as nationalism...
Peter the Great once issued a decree: "To please the Armenians as much as possible and make them
"as much as possible, to make it easier for them to come. Only 300 years have passed and
"said and done". :))
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This is how we live....
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it's a special case of MLM - multi-level marketing, only less profitable )) happiness is only promised once, not from each sub-level...
don't be a sublevel