[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 136

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A wedding is taking place. In the noise of the wedding.
"Mum, why is the bride in white?
"Mum, mum, why is the bride in white?"
"Mama, why is the bride dressed in white?

The little girl's disapproving gestures -
"Don't put anything in your mouth!" -
Mama explained: "It's the bride's
"It's the brightest day of her life."

♪ Now everyone's talking too loud ♪
♪ The wedding's getting too loud ♪
♪ The little girl's dress is tugging at her mother's hand ♪
"Mom, why is the groom all in black?"

 
A call to tech support:
- My Google won't open...
- Is the light on the modem on?
- Yes. Only it's not a light bulb, it's a thyristor LED.
- Um... Yeah, I guess the problem is on our side...
 
Two basic rules for a programmer:
1. There are no miracles
2. Shit happens
 
We have studied your quotation for developing an information system and have decided to purchase some of the weed you smoke.
 
A programmer is sitting in the canteen, eating soup. With his glasses on, brooding, thinking over a programme. No one's around, everyone has eaten and gone. Waitress comes up to him and flirts with him:
- If you want to have a good time, my name is Masha!
The programmer slowly comes back down to earth and looks at the waitress with a detached look and asks on autopilot:
- And if I don't want to, what's your name!
- And if you don't want to, I don't have a name!
- Geez... Exactly!... The variable needs to be reset!!!
 
Red shirts are popular amongst programmers this season, perfectly matching the colour of their eyes...
 
Wife to software engineer husband:
- Do you see that man in the picture?
- Yes, I do.
- Remember his face! Pick him up from kindergarten at six in the evening!
 
A call to the ISP:
- Trouble, I can't connect to the internet.
- Do you have TCP/IP?
- Well... it is. But what did you call it...
 
 
I'm not a city guy and I've only recently joined the internet. I immediately started getting offers to increase my penis. Of course, I understand that such letters, with exactly the same text, are sent out to millions of Internet users, but I decided to write the following anyway: "I, Fedulkin, am a simple country boy and my penis is 30 centimetres long. Don't you believe me? Ask anyone in the village of Verkhniye Funduki, in the Novgorod region. So don't send me your letters."
But the junk mail didn't stop coming and got a little longer because the offer to increase his penis ended with the following text: "But a simple country boy Fedulkin believed us and now his penis is 30 centimeters long. Don't believe us? Ask anyone in the village of Verkhniye Funduki, in the Novgorod region..."
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