Interesting and humorous (politics and history banned) - page 71
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I love that poem.
♪ I played, I played, I played, Mama ♪
Put me to sleep. Suddenly in my sleep
I was frightened! I had to call my mother right away.
Mama came right away,
And she lulled me back to sleep. I'm going to sleep
I'll be asleep for a long time now, you can mommy,
sleep, too. But there's something
Something's started all of a sudden...
my tummy. Mama, hurry up and give me a hug,
give me a kiss, go to sleep later. Mama
came running back to give me a bottle
¶¶ All right, Mama, I'm falling asleep ¶¶
Put me to bed. No, I can't stay in bed.
♪ it's hard, it's cold, it's cold ♪
I wish I was in my mother's arms to hear my heartbeat.
Here's Mama bouncing again. You don't have to jump, Mama. If
I'll be in your arms and I'll sleep just fine. What's the matter with me?
What's wrong? My nose isn't breathing
-Mama no!!! Mama, Mama! Where's Mama?!
What a night of trouble!!! Nose is breathing,
♪ Belly's fine, good night's sleep has come to bed ♪ Mama, go to sleep. И
I'll sleep very soundly in my cot.
♪ I wanted to turn around, I bumped into the side of the bed ♪
The dummy's suddenly gone,
♪ The blanket's in my mouth... help me ♪
Hurry, Mama, I can't sleep again
I'm so sleepy, Mama,
I want to crawl into bed with you.
Mama's gonna rub my gums and change my trousers
She'll give me a dummy, she'll sing and dance, she'll say:
"People have to sleep!"... I...
Open my eyes. What do I see? It's dawn!
Mama, mama, wake up, the sun's up!
Who's the aunt with eyes like a kambal fish?
What's wrong with that aunt's hair? All sticking out like a broomstick!
The aunt's eyes go crazy! Maybe I should call my mother!
♪ I should call my mother! ♪ ♪ It's my mother! ♪ I can smell it! Mommy, let's play!
There's no beast better than a mother!
To grow up right,
You have to have a mother.
Mama's a very useful animal,
♪ She's the best you'll ever find ♪
♪ If you ever want to eat ♪
♪ If you're hungry you just have to scream ♪
♪ Mama will come running... ♪
♪ She'll offer you a tit ♪
Milk comes easily and easily from a tit.
# You just have to suckle
♪ right into your mouth ♪
# If you've had enough to eat
¶ but you don't want to go to sleep ¶
¶ so your mother won't get bored ¶
♪ You can scream again ♪
Mama will take you in her arms
♪ Mama will sing you a song ♪
Mama will tell you a story
Mama's got a dance, she's got a ball!
If you want to go to sleep,
Better lie down next to your mother
Let her sleep a little too,
Mama's a good girl to look after.
♪ And snuggle up to your mother's side ♪
# Sweetly, sweetly stretch out
Before you go to sleep, make sure Mommy's there,
Make sure that she's there
If you open your eyes
# If you open your eyes and see Mama's gone
¶ you're sure to roar ¶
¶ And you'll get all torn up ¶
¶ she'll come running ¶
¶ she's bleeding milk ¶
♪ Mama's a very domestic animal ♪
¶ she doesn't go far ¶
You want to be the happiest you can be
Then take my advice:
Get a mama, get a mama, get a mama
There's no better pet than a mama!
Do you still think you know how to fold a bag?
Rockefeller's missing expedition
There was a story yesterday about "getting an earring out of a bottle without breaking the bottle and pulling out the cork".
О! - I think that's it. My husband's been wanting to buy himself something he doesn't need for a long time. An e-book reader. Laptop's not enough for him, yeah. And I'm too greedy for that kind of wastefulness. I take a wine bottle right in front of him, throw a bean inside, pop the cork and say:
- "Here, darling, don't break the bottle, don't take out the cork. If you get the bean, you can buy any kind of reader you want.
The bastard takes the bottle, pushes the cork in with his finger and pulls out...
- Uh, no! - I said. - You pulled the cork out of the neck, even though it's inside. It doesn't work.
I'm popping another one. The bastard takes a disposable syringe and pours a full syringe of vinegar and a full syringe of strong soda solution through the cork. One minute and the cork comes out of the bottle...
- Uh, no! - I said. - You didn't get the cork out of the bottle with your hands.
The bastard looks angrily, spits, takes out an electric drill and inserts a sandpaper ball instead of a drill. And in a minute, he grinds through the wall of the bottle. And a bean falls out of the hole... - Is the bottle broken? No. Is the cork in place? Yes.
Give me eight grand...
The pig. Now he's lying on the couch with his reading book, and he doesn't care if his wife needs boots.
There was a story yesterday about "getting an earring out of a bottle without breaking the bottle and pulling out the cork".
О! - I think that's it. My husband's been wanting to buy himself something he doesn't need for a long time. An e-book reader. Laptop's not enough for him, yeah. And I'm too greedy for that kind of wastefulness. I take a wine bottle right in front of him, throw a bean inside, pop the cork and say:
- "Here, darling, don't break the bottle, don't take out the cork. If you get the bean, you can buy any kind of reader you want.
The bastard takes the bottle, pushes the cork in with his finger and pulls out...
- Uh, no! - I said. - You pulled the cork out of the neck, even though it's inside. It doesn't work.
I'm popping another one. The bastard takes a disposable syringe and pours a full syringe of vinegar and a full syringe of strong soda solution through the cork. One minute and the cork comes out of the bottle...
- Uh, no! - I said. - You didn't get the cork out of the bottle with your hands.
The bastard looks angrily, spits, takes out an electric drill and inserts a sandpaper ball instead of a drill. And in a minute, he grinds through the wall of the bottle. And a bean falls out of the hole... - Is the bottle broken? No. Is the cork in place? Yes.
Give me eight grand...
The pig. Now he's lying on the sofa with his reading book, and he doesn't care if his wife needs boots.
Genius!
A centipede crawls in the grass
In order to feed and multiply.
A worm loosens up mushroom mycelium,
With exactly the same purpose.
And the dragonflies over the riverbed
"and the dragonflies swirl to feed and mate...
All around, buzzing, flying, quacking,
"and I, a two-winged, wingless dragonfly...
Only I, a wingless biped,
cursing my life's wretchedness,
I am subjected to many hardships,
In search of some relationship...
===========================================
What do you know about drinking in Russia?
It is but a pale shadow!
But in Spain, Antonio Garcia
drank not on holidays, but every single day.
Besides, he usually drank by the litre,
Not by the thimble, like some aesthete.
But he paid the price for his habit,
He lost it... at the age of a hundred and seven short.
=============================================
The leafy shadow of the leaves
Swayed on the threads of the rays,
The smoke of lilacs in bloom
Wrapped around the old garden,
When the day woke up
Not mine, not yours, not anyone's
Under the streams of clear water
That the heavens have shed.
"Blind and merry rain
♪ Mocked him who walked carelessly ♪
♪ Who walked carelessly down the street ♪
On the street without an umbrella
# And you're walking in the rain
You don't even care
¶¶ You don't care if your nakedness ¶¶
#...a nakedness you've never seen before...
А. Shigin
130 km/h
Academician Pavlov walks into the bar, at which point someone's phone rings.
Pavlov slaps his forehead:
- Shit! I forgot to feed the dog.
-------------------
Good morning!