Traders joking, the beginning - page 139

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"President Obama and Mitt Romney had lunch together at the White House today. In fact, Romney offered to buy Obama lunch but the president said, "No, no it’s on our grandchildren. They’ll take care of it. Don’t even worry about it."

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A page from the past

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Forex Gump

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"Lindsay Lohan was arrested for assault last night in New York City. I guess she punched another woman in the face and knocked her down at a club at four o’clock in the morning. This is the closest Lindsay has come to a hit in years."

William Snyder
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Southern US humor

Florida

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? Im too old for this! and pulled over to await the troopers arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding a reason Ive never before heard Ill let you go..

The old gentleman paused then said, Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.

Have a good day, Sir, replied the trooper.

Georgia

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, Yall graduated from theUniversity of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, Everthang but my earrings.

Louisiana

A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying, When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana.

When asked why, he replied, Id rather be in Louisiana cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world.

Mississippi

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!

Bubba replied, Did yall see who it was?

The young man answered, I couldnt tell, but I got the license number.

North Carolina

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, I got a flat tahr.

The passerby asked, But whats with the flowers?

The man responded, When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither.

Tennessee

A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, Got any ID?

The driver replied, Bout whut?

Texas

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Dont you see that sign right over your head.

Yep, he replied. Thats why Im dumpin it here, cause it says: Fine For Dumping Garbage.

Yall kin say whut yall want about the South, but yall never heard o nobody retirin an movin North.

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Prince William and Kate Middleton are expecting. They don't know whether it's going to be a boy or a girl, but they do know it's not going to work a day in its life.