[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 608
You are missing trading opportunities:
- Free trading apps
- Over 8,000 signals for copying
- Economic news for exploring financial markets
Registration
Log in
You agree to website policy and terms of use
If you do not have an account, please register
Yeah, we pop into a bakery and there's a price tag: "Yabaton - 30 rubles" :)
>
Yeah. That's the real deal.
+1
Cool!!! >
Read! You will not regret it, history reflects the stupidity of doing business and business in all post-Soviet countries !!! (a little exaggerated, but still very reminiscent)
Meeting.
Petrov came to the meeting on Tuesday. They took out his brain there, put it on saucers and began to eat, smacking his lips and generally expressing all kinds of approval. Petrov's boss, Nedozaytsev, prudently handed out dessert spoons to those present. And it began.
— Colleagues, — says Morkovyeva, — our organization faces a large-scale task. We received a project for implementation, in which we need to draw several red lines. Are you ready to take on this task?
“Of course,” says Nedozaytsev. He is a director, and is always ready to take on a problem that someone from the team will have to bear. However, he immediately clarifies: - Can we do it?
The head of the drawing department, Sidoryakhin, nods hastily:
- Yes, sure. Here we have Petrov, he is our best specialist in the field of drawing red lines. We specially invited him to the meeting so that he could express his competent opinion.
“Very nice,” says Morkovyeva. “Well, you all know me. And this is Lenochka, she is a design specialist in our organization.
Lenochka is covered with paint and smiles embarrassedly. She recently graduated from economics, and has the same attitude to design as a platypus to the design of airships.
— So, — says Morkoveva. We need to draw seven red lines. All of them must be strictly perpendicular, and in addition, some need to be drawn in green, and some more - transparent. Do you think it's real?
“No,” says Petrov.
“Let's not rush into an answer, Petrov,” says Sidoryahin. “The task has been set, and it must be solved. You are a professional, Petrov. Don't give us a reason to think you're not a professional.
“You see,” Petrov explains, “the term “red line” implies that the color of the line is red. Drawing a red line in green is not exactly impossible, but very close to impossible...
- Petrov, what does "impossible" mean? asks Sidoryahin.
I'm just describing the situation. Perhaps there are people who are colorblind, for whom the color of the line really will not matter, but I'm not sure that the target audience of your project consists exclusively of such people.
- That is, in principle, it is possible, do we understand you correctly, Petrov? asks Morkoveva.
Petrov realizes that he went too far with imagery.
“Let’s put it simply,” he says. - The line, as such, can be drawn with absolutely any color. But to get a red line, you should use only red.
Petrov, please don't confuse us. You just said it was possible.
Petrov silently curses his talkativeness.
No, you misunderstood me. I just wanted to say that in some extremely rare situations, the color of the line will not matter, but even then - the line will still not be red. You see, it will not be red! She will be green. And you need red.
There is a short silence, in which the quiet, tense buzzing of synapses is clearly audible.
“But what if,” Nedozaytsev says, struck by the idea, “draw them in blue?”
“It won’t work anyway,” Petrov shakes his head. - If you draw in blue, you get blue lines.
Again silence. This time he is interrupted by Petrov himself.
“And I still don’t understand… What did you mean when you talked about lines of transparent color?”
Morkovyeva looks at him condescendingly, like a kind teacher at a lagging student.
- Well, how can I explain it to you? .. Petrov, don't you know what "transparent" is?
- I know.
- And what is the “red line”, I hope you don’t need to explain either?
- No, it's not necessary.
- Well. You draw red lines for us with a transparent color.
Petrov pauses for a second, considering the situation.
- And what should the result look like, please, describe please? How do you imagine that?
- Well, uh, Petro-o-ov! Sidorakhin says. - Well, let's not ... What do we have, a kindergarten? Who is the red line specialist here, Morkovyeva or you?
“I’m just trying to clarify the details of the assignment for myself…”
“Well, what’s incomprehensible here? ..” Nedozaytsev interjects into the conversation. Do you know what the red line is?
- Yes, but...
- And what is "transparent", is it clear to you too?
“Of course, but…
"So what do you have to explain?" Petrov, well, let's not stoop to unproductive disputes. The task is set, the task is clear and precise. If you have specific questions, please ask.
“You are a professional,” Sidoryakhin adds.
“Okay,” Petrov surrenders. - God be with him, with color. But do you have something else with perpendicularity there? ..
“Yes,” Morkovyeva readily confirms. “Seven lines, all strictly perpendicular.
- Perpendicular to what? Petrov clarifies.
Morkovyeva starts looking through her papers.
"Uh-uh," she finally says. - Well, sort of ... Everything. Between themselves. Well, or whatever… I don't know. I thought it was you who knew what perpendicular lines were - finally she was found.
“Yes, of course he knows,” Sidoryakhin waves his hands. Are we professionals here or not?
Two lines can be perpendicular, explains Petrov patiently. “All seven cannot be perpendicular to each other at the same time. This is geometry, 6th grade.
Morkovyeva shakes her head, driving away the looming ghost of a long-forgotten school education. Nedozaytsev slams his palm on the table:
- Petrov, let's do without this: "6th grade, 6th grade." Let's be mutually polite. Let's not make hints and slide down to insults. Let's maintain a constructive dialogue. Here same not idiots gathered.
“I think so too,” says Sidoryakhin.
Petrov pulls a piece of paper towards him.
“Good,” he says. Let me draw for you. Here is the line. So?
Morkoveva nods her head in the affirmative.
— Draw another one… — says Petrov. Is it perpendicular to the first one?
- Well...
Yes, it is perpendicular.
- Well, you see! - happily exclaims Morkoveva.
“Wait, that's not all. Now draw the third one... Is it perpendicular to the first line?..
Thoughtful silence. Without waiting for an answer, Petrov answers himself:
— Yes, it is perpendicular to the first line. But it does not intersect with the second line. They are parallel to the second line.
There is silence. Then Morkovyeva gets up from her seat and, rounding the table, enters Petrov from the rear, looking over his shoulder.
“Well…” she says hesitantly. - Maybe yes.
“That's the point,” says Petrov, trying to consolidate the success achieved. - As long as there are two lines, they can be perpendicular. As soon as there are more...
- Can I have a pen? asks Morkoveva.
Petrov hands over the pen. Morkovyeva carefully draws a few uncertain lines.
- And if so?..
Petrov sighs.
It's called a triangle. No, these are not perpendicular lines. Plus, there are three of them, not seven.
Morkoveva purses her lips.
- Why are they blue? Nedozaytsev suddenly asks.
“Yes, by the way,” Sidoryakhin supports. — I wanted to ask myself.
Petrov blinks several times, looking at the drawing.
“My pen is blue,” he finally says. I'm just to show...
"Well, maybe that's the point?" Nedozaytsev interrupts him impatiently in the tone of a man who has just figured out a complex concept and is in a hurry to share it with others before the thought is lost. - Your lines are blue. You draw red and let's see what happens.
“It will turn out the same,” Petrov says confidently.
- Well, how about the same? Nedozaytsev says. How can you be sure if you haven't even tried? You draw red, and we'll see.
“I don’t have a red pen with me,” Petrov admits. But I can totally...
“But why didn’t you prepare,” Sidoryakhin says reproachfully. “We knew there would be a meeting…
“I can tell you with absolute certainty,” Petrov says in despair, “that exactly the same thing will turn out in red.
“You yourself told us last time,” Sidoryakhin retorts, “that you need to draw red lines in red. Here, I even wrote it down for myself. And draw them yourself with a blue pen. What do you think, red lines?
“By the way, yes,” remarks Nedozaytsev. — I also asked you about the color blue. What did you answer me?
Petrov is suddenly saved by Lenochka, who is studying his drawing with interest from her seat.
“I think I understand,” she says. You're not talking about color right now, are you? It's about this one, what do you call it? Perper something?
“Perpendicular lines, yes,” Petrov responds gratefully. - It has nothing to do with the color of the lines.
“That's it, you completely confused me,” says Nedozaytsev, looking from one participant in the meeting to another. "So what's the problem with us?" With color or with perpendicularity?
Morkovyeva makes confused noises and shakes her head. She got confused too.
“Both the one and the other,” Petrov says quietly.
“I can’t understand anything,” says Nedozaytsev, looking at his clasped fingers. - There is a task. All you need is seven red lines. I understand that there would be twenty of them! .. But there are only seven. The task is simple. Our customers want seven perpendicular lines. Right?
Morkoveva nods.
“And Sidoryahin also sees no problem,” says Nedozaytsev. “Am I right, Sidoryahin?.. Well, then. So what is stopping us from completing the task?
“Geometry,” Petrov says with a sigh.
"Well, just ignore her, that's all!" Morkoveva says.
Petrov is silent, collecting his thoughts. Colorful metaphors are born in his brain one after another, which would make it possible to convey to those around him the surrealism of what is happening, but as luck would have it, all of them, clothed in words, invariably begin with the word “Fuck!”, Completely inappropriate within the framework of a business conversation.
Tired of waiting for an answer, Nedozaytsev says:
- Petrov, you answer simply - can you do it or can't you? I understand that you are a narrow specialist and do not see the big picture. But it's not difficult to draw some seven lines? We have been discussing some nonsense for two hours now, we can’t come to a decision.
“Yes,” says Sidoryahin. - You just criticize and say: “Impossible! Impossible!" You offer us your solution to the problem! And even a fool can criticize, pardon the expression. You are a professional!
Petrov wearily says:
- Good. Let me draw you two guaranteed perpendicular red lines, and the rest in transparent color. They will be transparent and not visible, but I will draw them. Will that suit you?
“Will that suit us?” Morkovyeva turns to Lenochka. - Yes, it will suit us.
“Only at least a couple more - in green,” Lenochka adds. - And I have another question, can I?
“Yes,” Petrov says in a dead voice.
- Can one line be depicted in the form of a kitten?
Petrov is silent for a few seconds, and then asks again:
- What?
- Well, in the form of a kitten. Kitten. Our users love animals. It would be very cool…
“No,” says Petrov.
- And why?
— No, of course I can draw you a cat. I'm not an artist, but I can try. Only it will no longer be a line. It will be a cat. A line and a cat are two different things.
“Kitten,” Morkovyeva clarifies. - Not a cat, but a kitten, so small, cute. Cats they...
“It doesn’t matter,” Petrov shakes his head.
“Not at all, right? ..” Lenochka asks disappointedly.
“Petrov, you could at least listen to the end,” Nedozaytsev says irritably. - You haven't listened to the end, but already say "No".
“I understand the idea,” says Petrov, without looking up from the table. - It is impossible to draw a line in the form of a kitten.
“Well, you don’t have to then,” Lenochka allows. "Won't the bird work too?"
Petrov silently looks up at her and Lenochka understands everything.
“Well, don’t, then,” she repeats again.
Nedozaytsev slams his hand on the table.
- So where did we stop? What are we doing?
“Seven red lines,” says Morkovyeva. — Two in red, and two in green, and the rest transparent. Yes? Did I understand correctly?
“Yes,” Sidoryahin confirms before Petrov can open his mouth.
Nedozaytsev nods in satisfaction.
- That's great ... Well, then, that's it, colleagues? .. Let's part ways? .. Any more questions? ..
“Oh,” Lenochka recalls. We also have a red balloon! Say, can you blow it up?
“Yes, by the way,” says Morkovyeva. Let's discuss this right away, so as not to gather twice.
"Petrov," Nedozaytsev turns to Petrov. - Can we do it?
“And what does the ball have to do with me?” Petrov asks in surprise.
“It’s red,” Lenochka explains.
Petrov is stupidly silent, trembling with his fingertips.
“Petrov,” Nedozaytsev asks nervously. So can you or can't you? It's a simple question.
“Well,” Petrov says cautiously, “in principle, of course, I can, but…
“Good,” Nedozaytsev nods. - Go to them, inflate. Travel allowance, if necessary, we will issue.
- Tomorrow can be? asks Morkoveva.
“Of course,” Nedozaytsev replies. - I think there will be no problems ... Well, now we have everything? .. Excellent. We worked productively ... Thank you all and goodbye!
Petrov blinks several times to return to objective reality, then gets up and slowly walks towards the exit. At the very exit, Lenochka catches up with him.
“Can I ask you more?” - blushing, says Lenochka. - When you inflate the balloon ... can you inflate it in the shape of a kitten? ..
Petrov sighs.
“I can do anything,” he says. - I can absolutely everything. I'm professional.
Here is the original text: http://alex-aka-jj.livejournal.com/66984.html
Read! {...}
Draw your seven red lines. Here's one of thousands of bases for you.
[ 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 ]
[ 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 ]
[ 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 ]
[ 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 ]
[ 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 ]
[ 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 ]
[ 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 ]
Draw your seven red lines. Here's one of thousands of bases for you.
[ 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 ]
[ 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 ]
[ 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 ]
[ 0 0 0 1 0 0 0 ]
[ 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 ]
[ 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 ]
[ 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 ]
And how can this be drawn?
Or are you like that owl from the joke who is only in charge of strategy?
And how can this be drawn?
Or are you like that owl from the joke who is only in charge of strategy?
How to check the perpendicularity of vectors, I hope you know?