Traders joking, the beginning - page 387

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The campaign manager who helped unseat House Majority Leader Eric Cantor last night is a 23-year-old man who interviewed for a job at Panera Bread last month. Said Cantor, 'Is that position still available?'

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Puzzled President

Cheney gets a call from his "boss", W.

"I've got a problem," says W.

"What's the matter?" asks Cheney.

"Well, you told me to keep busy in the Oval Office, so, I got a jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."

"What's it a picture of?" asks Cheney.

"A big rooster," replies W.

"All right," sighs Cheney, "I'll come over and have a look."

So he leaves his office and heads over to the Oval Office. W points at the jigsaw on his desk.

Cheney looks at the desk and then turns to W and says, "For crying out loud, Georgie - put the corn flakes back in the box."

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In her new memoir, Hillary Clinton said the Obama campaign wanted her to attack Sarah Palin. So did her husband Bill, but only because he loves a good cat fight.

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Clinton on the Titanic

Reagan, Nixon and Clinton are on the Titanic.

The ship hits the iceberg and sinks slowly.

Everybody starts screaming, panicking, etc.

Reagan shouts: "Women and children first."

Nixon goes: "Fuck the women."

Clinton replies: "Do you think we have time?"

Craig Gardiner
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Craig Gardiner  

Eric Cantor out spent his opponent, David Brat 20 to 1 and still lost. Cantor's top donors were from Wall Street. What is America coming to when Wall Street can't buy an election?

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Clinton's Favorite Things

To be sung to the tune "My Favorite Things" from the "The Sound of Music":

Blow jobs and land deals in backwater places,

Big Macs and French fries and girls with big faces,

Lots of nice cleavage that makes Willie spring,

These are a few of my favorite things

Susan McDougal and Gennifer Flowers,

Horny young interns who while 'way the hours,

Profits from futures that Hillary brings,

These are a few of my favorite things

When that Jones bites,

When Ken Starr stings,When I'm feeling sad,

I simply remember my favorite things,

And then I don't feel so bad

Beating the draft board and getting elected,

Naming to judgeships some hacks I've selected,

Conspiracy theories that blame the right wing,

These are a few of my favorite things

Golfing with Vernon and suborning perjury,

Falling down drunk that required knee surgery

Stars in the White House who come here to sing,

These are a few of my favorite things

Meeting with Boris and Helmut and Tony,

States of the Union with lots of baloney,

Winning debates and the joy of my flings,

These are a few of my favorite things