The campaign manager who helped unseat House Majority Leader Eric Cantor last night is a 23-year-old man who interviewed for a job at Panera Bread last month. Said Cantor, 'Is that position still available?'
Cheney gets a call from his "boss", W.
"I've got a problem," says W.
"What's the matter?" asks Cheney.
"Well, you told me to keep busy in the Oval Office, so, I got a jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."
"What's it a picture of?" asks Cheney.
"A big rooster," replies W.
"All right," sighs Cheney, "I'll come over and have a look."
So he leaves his office and heads over to the Oval Office. W points at the jigsaw on his desk.
Cheney looks at the desk and then turns to W and says, "For crying out loud, Georgie - put the corn flakes back in the box."
In her new memoir, Hillary Clinton said the Obama campaign wanted her to attack Sarah Palin. So did her husband Bill, but only because he loves a good cat fight.
Clinton on the Titanic
Reagan, Nixon and Clinton are on the Titanic.
The ship hits the iceberg and sinks slowly.
Everybody starts screaming, panicking, etc.
Reagan shouts: "Women and children first."
Nixon goes: "Fuck the women."
Clinton replies: "Do you think we have time?"
Eric Cantor out spent his opponent, David Brat 20 to 1 and still lost. Cantor's top donors were from Wall Street. What is America coming to when Wall Street can't buy an election?
test your ideas on Demo account first! Greenpeace Employee Loses $5.47 Million of Organization Money Trading Forex Markets
Clinton's Favorite Things
To be sung to the tune "My Favorite Things" from the "The Sound of Music":
Blow jobs and land deals in backwater places,
Big Macs and French fries and girls with big faces,
Lots of nice cleavage that makes Willie spring,
These are a few of my favorite things
Susan McDougal and Gennifer Flowers,
Horny young interns who while 'way the hours,
Profits from futures that Hillary brings,
When that Jones bites,
When Ken Starr stings,When I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad
Beating the draft board and getting elected,
Naming to judgeships some hacks I've selected,
Conspiracy theories that blame the right wing,
Golfing with Vernon and suborning perjury,
Falling down drunk that required knee surgery
Stars in the White House who come here to sing,
Meeting with Boris and Helmut and Tony,
States of the Union with lots of baloney,
Winning debates and the joy of my flings,