Humour - page 355

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Keep a grip on yourself ))))


 
 
 
 

1001 chicken power (:


 

(:

 

User and Windows ME dialogue

Start:

POWER.

Windows boots up in safe mode.

Me: What for?
ME: Read the help.
Me: I didn't install any new hardware or programs. What's wrong?
ME: It says if you boot in safe mode for no reason, shut down your computer and turn it back on!
ME: Okay, Shut Down.

POWER.

The Windows is half-booted: half of the icons in the tray are missing, the cursor is like "I think". A blue screen appears in response to the three buttons.

RESET.

Windows starts ScanDisk.

ME: Cancel.
ME: Shouldn't have done that.

It goes into a stupor.

RESET.

Waiting patiently while Vince checks my drive for errors.

Me: What's taking so long?
ME: Someone is using the system disk.
Me: You're using it, retard!

Finally, the check (on the twentieth try) completes successfully (maybe it's canceled, don't know), and WinDa is booted.
I start working. Some time passes....

Besides Photoshop, Word document and other stuff two browser windows are opened. I click on the link.

ME: Oh, you shouldn't have done that. It opens in a new window.
Me: Open it.
ME: I can't.
Me: You're halfway open.
ME: I'm out of resources. Close the extra windows.
Me: It's closed. Go ahead, refill your browser.
ME: I can't.
Me: Then close it.
ME: The window is not responding. Close: OK, Cancel?
ME: OK.

ME: Time passes.

Me: Why didn't you close it?
ME: It doesn't work.
Me: Ctrl+Alt+Del. Finish the one over there that's not responding.
ME: Finished.
Me: Wait, I asked you to close one window!
ME: But the process was common.
Me: So I have to upload pages all over again?
ME: Yeah.
Me: OK, go ahead and start your browser.
ME: I don't have enough resources.
Me: Not enough how?
ME: How? ME: There's still a bunch of stuff left over from the hovering process.
Me: Well, clean it up.
ME: I don't know how.
Me: And do what?
ME: Close the unnecessary windows.
Me: I closed Photoshop. Is that better?
ME: Yeah. ME: Hang on, let me open the browser.

I surf the web for a while. A pop-up pops up on one of the sites, and I can't get it to open all the way.

ME: How many times have I told you: don't open unnecessary browser windows!
Me: Is it my fault? It just popped up on its own.
ME: I'm running out of resources again!
Me: Close it.
ME: Close it yourself!

The history of closing the browser repeats.

ME: OK, the hell with the Internet. Open Notepad for me.
ME: Close the unnecessary windows, I don't have enough resources.
Me: Are you out of your mind? The taskbar is empty!
ME: And the tray?
ME: You know what? I'm not going to close the antivirus and firewall. You'll have to figure it out on your own.
ME: I'm telling you, it's not enough resources! What does the manager show?
Me: It's showing a process called hpstatx. Why?
ME: Why? Have you been using the printer?
Me: Yes, but it was an hour ago.
ME: The time is irrelevant. The process remains.
Me: So finish it!
ME: It doesn't answer.
Me: All the more reason to finish.
ME: Done.
Me: Does it get any easier?
ME: No.
ME: I have nothing else to close. Unless I take a chance...

I terminate the process of explorer.exe.
The computer rustles the hard drive, the taskbar disappears and reappears a few seconds later.

Me: Uh, wait, where did you put all the background processes from the tray?
ME: It's right here. See: Everything's still there in Manager?
Me: How do I get to them if you don't show them in the panel?
ME: You'll get around to it.
Me: Your loss.
ME: It frees up resources.
Me: Can I open Notepad?
ME: Go ahead.

I am typing for five minutes.

ME: Oh, my memory's not working properly!
Me: What? I haven't reached my limit of 64 kilobytes yet!
ME: No, I'm not talking about that memory... I'm talking about resources again...

Finishing explorer.exe again. The taskbar disappears. And it won't reappear.

ME: System corrupted, needs to reinstall Windows.
Me: Hey hey, don't joke around like that!
ME: It's not a joke...

RESET.

Safe Mode - Blue Screen - ScanDisk cycle repeats.

Me: Alive?
ME: Alive.

I click on Outlook Express.

Me: Check your mail.
ME: Wait, wait, what are you doing? I haven't downloaded Outlook yet!
Me: Well, finish downloading it, then follow my command.
ME: He's not answering.
Me: It's ok, I'll wait.

ME: In half a minute.

ME: He still isn't answering.
Me: Okay, wrap it up. I'll reopen it now.
ME: I bet you won't open it?
Me: Why not?
ME: OutlookExpressHiddenWindow isn't responding.
Me: Wrap it up.

The Windows is deep in thought. In response to Ctrl+Alt+Del I see something that can't be called BlueScreen. Black Screen with faded stripes.

RESET.

ScanDisk.

Me: Open the mailer. All the way to the end? Good boy. Deliver the mail. (sighs) Thank you. Close the program and you can finish your work.
ME: OutlookExpressHiddenWindow is not responding.

Black Screen story repeats.

Me: That's it, did you reboot?
ME: I think so.
Me: Can you shut down properly for once?
ME: Let's try it while there's no unnecessary processes in memory.

SHUT DOWN.

That's the end of the work day. If you want to know what happened the next day, as they say, GoTo Start :)
 
On one of the forums, a certain girl asked the question:

"I am a beautiful, funny, intelligent girl. I want to marry a guy who earns at least $500,000 a year".

One of the young financiers wasn't too lazy to give her a substantive answer:

"I read your post with great interest. And here's how I see it all.

Your offer from the perspective of a guy like me is definitely a bad deal, and here's why. In short, you're offering your beauty in exchange for my money. That's fine. But after all, your beauty will fade and my capital will only grow. Of course, the probability of my capital increase can be questioned, but you will not get prettier!

So in the language of economics, you are a depreciating asset, and I am a profitable asset. But you are not just a depreciating asset: your value is falling faster and faster, no one will even look at you in 10 years. Buying you (which you are asking for) is bad business, so I would rather rent you.

If my words seem cruel to you, think about the fact that if my money disappears, so will you. So, in all fairness, when your beauty fades, I need to get rid of this asset. It's very simple. So the deal that makes sense to me is dates, but not a wedding.

I hope I helped you.
Yes, if you're ready to discuss rental options, let me know!"
 
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