[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 811
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How to talk mum into a puppy (plan)
How to talk mum into a puppy (plan)
How to talk mum into a puppy (plan)
There's a cool blonde walking down the street. And, how can I put it delicately, well, she's got one boob sticking out of her blouse. Everyone's gasping and oohing, and only one policeman has the courage to come up and say:
- "Citizen, it's no good! What kind of a view you have in a public place!?
She looks at my chest and says:
- Oh, for fuck's sake! I forgot my baby on the bus!
- Hey, why do you watch all those cooking shows? You don't even know how to cook.
- Why do you watch porn?
Moscow! A first grader gets on the 137 trolleybus, transfers to the 564 bus, and goes to school 1128 to learn to count to ten.
In the criminal world, extortionists have a famous technique: to invent a debt for the victim. As a result, the victim gives back something he never borrowed. The most common is probably "debt to the motherland"...
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A military wife comes home in anger.
- Husband, where are you?
- In the toilet.
- You've got a letter with two pieces of good and bad news, which one should I start with?
- Well, let's start with the good news.
- You've been rewarded!
- And the bad news?
- The letter from the skin clinic.
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Vovochka knocks on his neighbour's door with a huge box of toys.
She opens the door and asks:
- What are you doing, Vovochka?
- I want to give you some toys for safekeeping, because they brought my baby brother from the maternity hospital... who knows what kind of man he is...
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Goga is sitting in the yard, sharpening his knife. Givi comes in and asks:
- "Listen, Gogi, where's Valiko?
- Valiko is dead.
- When is he dead?
- He's dead tomorrow...
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Quit smoking almost three months ago.
One of the perks:
My sense of smell is heightened. Now I can tell a good perfume from a cheap one, food smells a lot better, it turns out, and all that... . : )
Minus:
I have to change my socks more often!
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Statistically, 90% of girls who say, "Mom, I'll sleep over at my friend's tonight" don't even go to bed.
Judging by the amount of salt on the streets, janitors get kickbacks from shoe manufacturers.
A blonde girl started a company. First day in the office. Some guy shows up on the doorstep.
"A client!!!" - the blonde gets excited, grabs the phone and starts talking:
- ...no, I can't make it today... no way... very many orders... Maybe in a month... OK, I'll put you on the waiting list!
He hangs up and says to the man:
- Excuse me! So many customers! Can I help you?
Man:
- Did you call the telephonist? Do you want me to hook up the line?
Russian scientists have invented a test of attentiveness: one line - attentive, two lines - slipped somewhere...
that's the way it is!
>that's the way it is!
Oh, come on, guys, it's simple. That's what glamour is for, to spew such blatant nonsense.
And it's not Julia Palm, it's Julka Palmina.
And angry comments in VKontakte are just from losers, they are so predictable :)
Oh, come on, guys, it's simple. That's what glamour is for, to spew such blatant nonsense.
And it's not Julia Palm, it's Julka Palmina.
I don't pity her one bit.
All she has to do now is convert her negative image into money. How do they say it now... monetize.