[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 10
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A little bit of a bummer about proper MM :)
Бабло
So, in order to live happily and have money, I have developed a few principles. As a result, I don't experience any problems in life and money is always left over.
1. You have to drink a lot. Not too much, of course, but enough. When the person drinks everything becomes correct with his head. He starts to understand that he doesn't really need all sorts of shit like a home theatre and a Mercedes. Through this, the problems decrease dramatically and extra dough is generated. Drinking, of course, also causes problems. But they're smaller. And the medicine has to be bitter :)
This principle works for one simple reason - alcohol destroys the brain - it's a fact. But it destroys it selectively. First of all, it affects centres responsible for pompousness, craving for euroticity and fashionability. The living example of complete destruction of these centres is any bum - he does not need the cashmere coat, he needs only practical and inexpensive things. But a bum is if he drinks a lot. If to drink simply much, the process of destruction can be controlled and limited to the moment, when you should wash every day necessarily, but the watch Patek Philip and suit from Cardin are not shrinking at all. The Patek Philippe watch is not shitty, because watches get in the way and a T-shirt is more comfortable to wear and easier to wash.
You don't go to a restaurant where you're not allowed to spit on the floor unless it's absolutely necessary. When you enter a pub, you look whether it is allowed to spit on the floor or not. In 99% of establishments you can't. So you don't go. You only go to the right places. In St. Petersburg it's Chicken Grill, Blue Gondola, Canteen on the Trolley... It is physically impossible to drink and gobble up more than 300-400 rubles at a time. Even if you take a litre of vodka and lots and lots of food. Peace of mind, proper relaxation and extra dough are formed through it.
By the way, if you can spit on the floor, it doesn't mean you have to. If a person does not spit on the floor where one is not allowed to spit, it is quite normal. And if a person does not spit on the floor where it is allowed, it means that this person is extremely cultured and well-mannered. It is always nice to have a drink with such a person. It's a shame not to go to a place where such people gather. 3.
3) Don't take a taxi. You can always be sure that you will not take a taxi, because it is a very good thing. It used to be like this - you go by car, have a drink, leave your car, go home by car, then you go in the morning to get your car, then you go and you are scared and don't care if the cops catch you. Now it's like this - you ride a moped, have a drink, ride the moped home, have a hangover in the morning and ride the moped again. 2.5 litres of petrol per hundred and no taxis.
4. Never buy anything in shops that don't have a counter. The counter is a great communist invention to save the people's money. And a self-service shop is a bourgeois shoestring. They didn't invent these supermarkets for nothing. The bourgeois are, for the most part, much smarter than we are. To understand this, it is enough to look at what we and they do. For example on Zhiguli and Ford. And if they have made huge shops where goods are kicked, stolen and smashed by awkward, fat American housewives, then it is still very profitable. A man in a normal shop comes to the counter, stands in a queue, looks, buys what he needs - a bottle of vodka, bread, a can of tushchenka - and goes home happy. The cost of the shopping is a hundred roubles. He goes to the supermarket, looks at the goods on sale, sees a nice package, rolls the trolley to the till and sees that the purchase is worth a hundred roubles. It seems to me that I have stocked the fridge for a week. That's cheating, too. Refrigerator's empty - you drink, go to bed. Refrigerator full - you start to gorge yourself from idleness, through this obesity and gorging of dough. Couple of days go by, you run to the supermarket again.
5. Fight female stupidity with a ruble. Girls are like this - oh I need to buy this, oy need that, everyone has, but we do not, have nothing to wear, the child needs this, the child needs so ... Most women have this attitude in their heads: "I want my child to have the best. I used to think that the key word in that phrase was "the best". Over the years, I've realised I was wrong. For women, the key word here is "everything". They just want everything. So the only way to fight this is to make the woman pay for her own stupidity. First of all, she cannot afford to buy too much nonsense on her salary, and secondly, when you earn money by working instead of taking it from your drawer, the nonsense will dissipate very quickly. Love is a reciprocal feeling and it is proved, above all, by real deeds and not by whispering sweet nothings in your ear. And if you work, then let the woman also work, and not sit by the window, waiting for your beloved, with painted nails. Especially since women have been fighting for equal rights with men for so long.
6. Never go abroad. You have to love your motherland. There are enemies living abroad. There's nothing to fucking do there. Last time I went to Finland, with a friend, like, for Christmas - idiotic idea. First of all, Christmas is idiotic, second of all, Finland. You come here, how do you get to know the culture of the people? Drink some vodka, buy a local prostitute. We did. Vodka is very expensive. Well, fuck it, it's never too expensive for booze. Let's go get some girls. We drove very drunk. Bought them. As I recall, I paid two thousand Finnish marks for one. In the morning, it turned out to be not Finnish6 but a Russian whore, and she lived in St. Petersburg on the next street! How can you pay 400 quid for something that costs 500 rubles! It was Finland's fault.
7. Never buy anything on credit. You cannot buy anything you need on credit. What could a person really need? Medicine when he is dying, bread when he is starving. For such things, in such a situation, a person will never get credit. How can you give a person a loan when he might die? So, a loan can only be given for pointless things and to a person who doesn't need it. For example, for a foreign car, or furniture, or a house.
I drive a Zhiguli with a market value of 800 quid. But they don't get stolen and I can jump on the roof. A man buys a Mercedes and he can't jump on the roof. Why do I need a car like that when I can do more in a VAZ? You need a bed to sleep in. I also need a wardrobe. I've got one arse, I need one bed and one trouser. I need one wardrobe to hang them up. Why do I need furniture? And a house. If a man lives, he already has a place to live. If he's homeless and living in a basement, then, of course, he needs a house. But no one will give him a loan. And if he is not homeless, he already has a place to live. I understand if a man has given birth to ten children, then he really needs a house. So who has ten children? If you can't get along with your parents, who are your closest people, or you can't live with your ex-wife whom no one forced you to marry, or your neighbours are bothering you because you can't make friends with them, you look for problems in your head. Don't go begging for money from banks at draconian interest rates.
8. Never buy anything that is advertised on TV without an urgent need. A good, inexpensive item will not be advertised. They will buy it anyway. Either something bad is advertised, like MMM or Telemarket or something with a hefty price tag.
9. Don't have plastic cards. This is another bourgeois invention designed to steal money from the working masses. When you walk up to the cash register and take out a bundle of cash, you immediately realise that here is your own dough and here you are going to give it away. Through it you wonder if you have to. And when you take out a piece of plastic, the dough is easily and discreetly withdrawn. A credit card is an even bigger shoestring. Not only are you going to be robbed of everything you have, but you're going to be forced into debt. And not just in debt, but in debt with interest. In Russian it's always been called "putting it on a meter. I don't need that kind of happiness.
10. Try never to pay anything to the state. This principle is not about saving money but about normalising mental equilibrium. It is like here, a man pays taxes, fills in declarations, pays fines on time. And suddenly he feels unwell, he calls an ambulance, and the doctor comes and says he does not have enough money and that he should be given some, not to go to a hobo clinic, but to get to a normal clinic. Then they bring him to the hospital and they tell him again that he may receive a free aspirin shot, but if he wants to be cured, then give him some more money. And so we have it everywhere. Because of this, a person begins to suffer, he calls doctors bribe-takers, and begins to demand to fight corruption and budget embezzlement. He does not sleep, eats badly, watches television and waits for Putin to take decisive action. And this is not good for health.
But if a person doesn't pay anything, calling an ambulance, he understands perfectly well that the doctor doesn't owe him anything. Because he does owe something to them, when he takes it and doesn't give it back. And if the doctor did not take anything from you, he does not owe you anything. He doesn't even have to take you to a homeless place. You want, you pay. You want to go to a normal clinic, pay more. Then he stops thinking everybody's a bribe-taker and an extortionist. He starts to part with money consciously, sleep well, do not worry and do not care about unfulfilled promises of Putin.
11. In addition to cutting costs, we should try to increase revenues. This principle is also very necessary. But without the previous ones, no matter how much you earn, you will not make enough, you will be without money, you will be living on credit and saving every penny. It will be like in America - a salary of five thousand quid, paid for a flat, for insurance, for loans, for children's education, gave his wife for feminism, as a result there is three hundred quid to drink. Here, with proper budget management, I received one thousand quid, gave five hundred rubles for a flat, gave my parents a couple thousand for food, wrote a note to the school that I had no money and did not offer lessons with a tutor, told my wife that she could save for a fur coat, bought spare parts for a Lada for three hundred, but did not park it, left it for free under the window and as a result, I had nine hundred quid to binge. And who lives richer?
A little bit of an oldie about the right MM :)
Still, people are posting some very good stuff on Friday nights.
a little bit of an accordion about proper MM :)
Well, anything else! >> I'm really looking forward to it!
Well, anything else! I'd like that very much!
another one of the oldies comes to mind.
Sanja Poddubny and the Toyota Sprinter cut-off.
caution, the great and mighty is widely used).
An unemployed broker selling potatoes at the bazaar is always easy to recognise - he has two prices: buy and sell...
Heh heh... probably also with requotes ))
And if you ask for price multiple times, it blocks the customer )))
http://smi.marketgid.com/news/2663#2
The most erotic advertisement ever! (video)
From ixbt.com It was, as usual, about hardware and in particular laptop overclocking, but the principle is universal:
Только в русском языке и менталитете заложено несколько градаций слова низзя:
нежелательно = вобщем-то можно,
запрещено = как бы не стоит,
строго запрещено = вроде как нельзя, но если хочется...,
категорически запрещено = точно низзя, но очень надо...
не в коем случае = на свой страх и риск
Наших ничем не остановить
P.S. У американцев в сороковые была очень популярна табличка, на которой было написано одно слово "THINK !" - так, что "ДУМАЙТЕ !"
Annalist says:
-Let's play a game, I'll ask you a question, if you don't know the answer you give me $5, then you give me a question, if I don't know the answer I give you $5.
Trader:
-Leave me alone, I want to sleep.
The annalist insists, the trader disagrees, then the annalist says:
-All right, then let's put it this way, if you don't know give me 5, if I don't know give you 50
Trader:
-Okay
The annalist asks a question. The trader says without hesitation:
-I don't know, and gives the analyst $5,
The trader asks:
-What is born on three legs but flies on four?
The annalist takes out his laptop, looks on the internet, calls his friends, and says:
-I don't know, takes out $50 and gives it to the trader.
Trader says nothing, takes the money and goes to bed.
Annalist:
-Okay, so what is born on three legs but flies on four?
The trader takes out a briefcase gives him five dollars and says:
-I don't know.
21122012 писал(а) >>
Трейдер и Анналист в самолёте,
that's the joke )))))))))))))
Non-alcoholic beer, a rubber woman, a demo account... What more do you need to face old age?
Wenn ich 'TA' höre, entsichere ich meinen Browning! (When I hear the word 'TA', my hand reaches for my gun!)
A paraphrase of the famous 3rd Reich poet Hans Jotl's statement about culture, usually attributed to Goebbels.
Kultora. He who knows the Torah. Knowing the TA!
+100!