[Archive c 17.03.2008] Humour [Archive to 28.04.2012] - page 249
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It was weird how the cabin wobbled at the end... and what were they doing to him with all that crowd:)
Yeah, I noticed that if they're hitting him in the face, it's suspiciously simultaneous.
You have to blink your eyes. Switching directions is better when it is in a certain phase relative to the observer.
You have to blink your eyes. Switching directions is better when it is in a certain phase relative to the observer.
When you look at the foot of your supporting foot, you consciously 'flip' it in different directions. There:)
Any favourite jokes? Tell a few.
Any favourite jokes? Tell a few.
You'd better read these.
Quotes from customer letters from German and Swiss insurance companies
I've already filled out so much paperwork that I'm starting to regret that my much-loved husband is dead.
I thought the window was open and poked my head out, but found it closed.
The glass is broken, I send a shard of it as proof, if it had been intact there would have been no shard.
I am seriously ill and have almost died twice, so you could pay me at least half the death insurance amount.
As my husband and I have not lived together for a long time now, I ask you to kindly send me some specialist.
Please let me know if you don't get this letter!
My husband started having breakfast while sitting on the toilet and then the stool broke.
During dance class, I jumped and my partner had to support me, but the ceiling came closer to my head faster than anticipated.
I joined a cult and now I know I will live forever. So I am giving up life insurance.
I hope you will send me the papers with your employee Herr Baumann, who gave me so much pleasure last time.
I deceived your insurance agent and therefore I can't sleep. I'm sending you 200 euros, and if I can't sleep any more, I'll send you the rest of the money.
I'm sending you what's left of my husband.
Unfortunately, there was a mistake in my letter of March 3. I forgot to write the address and I apologise to you. Here's the missing address: "Dear ladies and gentlemen!"
Yes, Paul suffers from mental illness and often hangs himself. But if no one approaches him for a long time, he pulls himself out of the noose.
I enclose a photocopy of my mother-in-law, please process it.
As I am a married man, I do not want the insurance money to be transferred to my account but to be sent to me by cheque.
I am a veterinarian and therefore can professionally assess my wife's condition.
I can't guess who stole my purse because no one I know was around.
The farm does not bring us any income. After my husband died, the last of the cattle disappeared from our farm.
My wife got out of bed and fell on the balcony door. The previous time, in a similar attempt to get up, she fell on the radiator.
No, I don't want life insurance. I want relatives to be really upset when I die.
I don't want to inoculate my child. My friend Lotta vaccinated her child, and shortly afterwards he fell out the window.
Immediately after my husband died, I became a widow.
My daughter broke her leg because these broads never want to wear normal shoes.
The accident happened because the insured's moped drove into me with overwhelming horsepower.
While examining the damage to my car, the expert chuckled nervously.
Because of the severe damage, my bike and I had to be towed away as well.
Yes, I had hit a pedestrian. But his guilt is confirmed by the fact that this had happened to him before.
Never before have I left the scene of an accident - I was carried away.
The pedestrian was running down the road like a wind-up. I had to actively manoeuvre to hit him.
Your arguments are ridiculous. For such excuses find someone stupider than me, though you are unlikely to find one.
I was driving in the right lane of the Herzogstrasse towards Königsplatz at about 40km/h. Suddenly a child jumped out onto the road and I braked. The driver following me decided to take advantage of this and hit me.
The policeman ordered me to stop and I hit the pole.
The insured drove into the front door of my hairdresser's shop. All the time I was renovating, I was taking a loss - I could only cut and shave clients at the back.
I saw that a pedestrian didn't know which way to go and ran into him.
This is the first and last time I'm writing to you. If you don't reply, I'll write again.
My son didn't hit any woman. He drove past her. And Mrs. Stein's injuries were caused by an air current.
My bike flew out of the footpath, rammed into a parked Porsche and drove on without me.
I was crossing the street. A car was coming straight at me on the left. I thought it was going to pass me, so I took a step back. But it turned towards me again. When I noticed this, I took two steps forward. The driver didn't react in any way and kept coming at me. Then he shouted: "Stay where you are, you idiot!" I stood up and that's when he came at me.
Last night, on my way home, I drove my car into a fence. I only report this to cover the damage to my car, as I managed to flee the scene undetected.
My car continued to drive straight ahead, which when entering a corner usually results in going off the road.
I was reversing down the street, breached the plot fence and drove into a bungalow. I couldn't remember where the brake pedal was.
Our cars hit the very moment they saw each other.
I estimate the damage to be between 250,000 and a quarter of a million euros.
In your response to my letter of 26 June asking for an invoice you kindly referred to me as 'Fräulein', which in combination with my name Friedrich gives rise to distressing suspicions.
I had a sudden onset of colorblindness at an intersection.
The person involved crashed into me without first informing me of his intentions.
The accident was not my fault, but that of a young girl in a miniskirt who was walking along the pavement! If you are a man, this explanation is enough for you, but if you are a woman, you still don't understand anything!
A pedestrian lunged at my car and disappeared silently under the wheels.
Even before I hit him it was clear to me that this old man would not make it to the other side of the street.
A completely invisible car appeared out of nowhere, crashed into me and disappeared just as without a trace.
After four years of driving, I fell asleep at the wheel.
The moment I wanted to kill a fly, I hit a telegraph pole.
I saw a pedestrian's sad face slowly drift past and then it hit my windscreen.
Witnesses to the accident are attached.
The injured horse was crossing the road without making sure there was no obstruction!
At the junction our cars collided and it was too late to brake.
The injured party's car went left then right then left again until I finally managed to hit him.
In order to avoid a collision, I hit another car.
My fiancée showed the police at the crash site everything they could want to see.
No one was injured in the accident, and Frau K., who was in my car, became pregnant.
I was driving in reverse and therefore could not see the car in front and hit me from left and right.
The deer took my legs in their hands and disappeared into the bushes, not caring about their wounds.
A hare jumped out onto the road in a suicidal dash. He managed to kill himself at the cost of my new bumper.
Not humour, of course, but informative.
Fire Safety Regulations in the Russian Federation
(Approved by Order of the Ministry of Emergency Situations of the Russian Federation of June 18, 2003, N 313)
II. Settlements
112. For human settlements located in forested areas, local authorities must develop and implement measures to exclude the possibility of fire transfer during forest and peat fires to buildings and structures (installation of protective firebreaks, planting of deciduous trees, removal of dry vegetation in the summer period, etc.).
FOREX AND WE
........
Yikes... patsthalom!